The Heir's Little Badass

46: FILL IN THE NAME

ETHAN

Losing your memory is a funny thing. I read a book once, where a woman lost her memories and it was like a brand new person was living in her body, her personality, habits, everything that made her who she was, gone and replaced with a new born human.

That is not how this feels.

First of all, I can remember details of a book I read two years ago but I don’t remember my little sister’s birthday. I’m still me but I feel like I’m floating on a cloud of uncertainty, apparently, the nine year old girl I remember is now on the verge of teenage hood, I’m a junior and Tammy somehow managed to convince me to be her boyfriend.

That part still gets me, I remember my childhood with her. I remember not wanting to go on the play dates and dinners and hangouts. But now, it feels like I felt that way because I secretly had a crush on her. Because I was scared of making a fool of myself.

Ever since I woke up, I felt that something was missing, and not just my memories. There was a hollow feeling in my chest that ached and at that point when Tammy and that girl were in the room with me, the ache disappeared and it felt like I was complete again. That’s when the memory of a night flashed through my mind, small arms wrapped around my waist, soft silky hair tickling my chin “Ethan Black’s girlfriend, I love the sound of that” I had somehow fallen in love with Tammy Sheffield and though I couldn’t quite remember, I knew that she meant the world to me.

Sleeping is hard.

I get flashes of things that don’t make sense. An alley, my hand over someone’s mouth. Drowning, a kiss that saves my life. A bedroom, I’m happiest in that room. A locket, I miss it desperately. I wake up with the overwhelming urge to cry. I feel like I’ve forgotten the most important aspect of my life, like I’ve forgotten a part of myself.

The slight prick of pain brings me back to reality as Allison administers my daily injection. “How are you feeling today, honey?”

I smile at the motherly nurse, enjoying the small bits of maternal affection my life has missed. “Still feels like half my brain is stuffed with cotton if I’m being honest”

She smiles kindly, taking out the needle “give it time”

I quietly take the rest of my meds and just as she’s about to leave, a thought stops me short. “Allison?”

“Hmm?”

“That girl, the one that was with me when I woke, I still don’t know who she is, or her name for that matter”

She smiles at me sadly, like she knows everything I don’t, “she wasn’t just here when you woke, she was here every single second before that”

She closes my door gently and I stare at the wood in confusion. I’ve always been smart, but lately, information processing is a lot harder than ever, coupled with the sleeping pills I was administered, it doesn’t take long for her words to dissipate from my mind, giving way to sleep and my past just out of my reach.

This dream is more vivid than the others. I’m in dry clothes, my hair still damp and there’s a ghost of a kiss on my lips. As soon as the last of my guests leave, I make a beeline for the pool where I almost died. I know she had dark hair. Nobody got a good look at her, all I have of her are the wet trails she left in her wake. I stare at the calm blue water, no evidence of my almost death clear. Then I see it. A glint of silver, resting at the bottom of the pool. I have it retrieved and stare at the wonder in my hands, a silver moon encasing a golden sun. I’ve never seen it before but I know instantly that it belongs to the girl that saved my life. I know with a certainty that shocks me that it will be my most precious possession for as long as I live.