unafraid [bts x you]

xv: smoking

I waited the ten minutes after the door locked and shut, just like Jin had told me to do. The waiting was ridiculous; five minutes in, I began to mentally punch myself, regretting the animalistic (and undeniable mutual urge) that we had followed without question. I'd overlapped an issue that was already burning in the back of my mind. I was digging myself deeper.

"...there are so many questions that I overlooked, so many bad outcomes..." I mumbled, nibbling on my bottom lip, eyes darting around in the darkness. I slapped my hand over my mouth, suddenly terrified of being caught in Jin's room. Fuck, I had to get out of here. I jumped up from the bed as if it were on fire, my brain stringing thoughts together faster than I could focus on them. I managed to catch 'go to your room', and it seemed to be the most logical next step, so I walked over to the bedroom door and pressed my ear against it. I didn't hear footsteps, or voices. It was silent, which meant that the hall was clear and gave me a straight shot to my room.

My hand was resting on the doorknob. I glanced down, and for a second, I had enough courage to grab and turn it, but then I heard quick, heavy stomps suddenly making their way up the stairs that opened up to the dormitory floor. My blood froze. The person now in the hallway ran past Jin's room and eventually, the sounds of their existence faded away. I swallowed thickly and I waited ten more minutes. Or, it felt like ten more, I wasn't keeping track. I sprinted to my room once I finished weighing the chances of being caught. As my door was locked and shut behind me, logic overflooded my senses, and finally, a single, clear thought branded itself on my forehead in bold font.

Ignore him.

He couldn't pursue something that stopped him in his tracks. I could be a brick wall, and everything would stop. That would be the only sure shot to a solution. Anything else would require acknowledging and talking about what happened, and that wouldn't work. No way was I going to explain to Jin why I couldn't keep my lips off him. I didn't even know the answer to that.

My knees began to tremble and I let myself fall on my bed. That's when my eyes caught sight of the clock and another wave of dread overcame me. I did a few quick additions in my head, my gut twisting as the ten minutes summed up to me having stayed in Jin's room well over two hours. They were due back soon; they were rarely out for more than 3 hours at a time. Another fleeting thought told me to leave and take a quick walk before they got back, to calm my nerves. There was a small store not that far away, and I was itching for a cigarette. Smoking would calm me down. I would be quick enough. I was always just quick enough. I was out of the warehouse faster than I could register what exit I had used.

As I made my way down the sidewalk as quickly and smoothly as I could, I noticed something. All of the wallets, purses and handbags that made easy prey didn't end up in my hands the second I had slipped past them. I didn't need money this time around.

Suga had once so kindly stated that I was living the life; living for free under their roof was my payment for doing chores around the building. Nevertheless, RM started to give me an allowance after hearing that-- only about 25000 won once a week whenever he'd catch me around. Still, he never forgot. With my cash, I bought the light blue pack and an iced coffee. I was in and out fairly quickly, and snuck back into my room without any issue. A few of the underlings caught sight of me when I tried to use the back to sneak in, but I guess word had gotten around that Jin scared the shit out of the other guy because they spun around and walked off in the opposite direction when they realized who I was. In a way, I liked the fear that glinted in their eyes. In another way, I was unsettled by how badly the boys scared everyone. I once saw them argue over ramen. It eventually escalated to Jungkook and V throwing punches at each other, and a few hours later, I was cleaning blood off the kitchen counter while they shared the food. They were unpredictably explosive.