Just a thought in Time: contest book

It's not What you Expect

Ya know, I was at the raid. Yeah, that raid. The Area 51 raid. It was lame. People held signs. People talked. Some got arrested. But me? Nah, I watched. Took notes. Came back a couple weeks later. And here I am, face to fucking face with this yellow scaly ass...thing. Man, it looks pissed. I am so boned.

For real, I can't call for help, and it ain't 'cause I don't wanna get arrested. Nah, it's 'cause this thing got me by my neck. It's squeezing and I'm wheezing. Like I know I am a smoker but man, this ain't how I wanna go, not with a wheeze as my final words. At least if I died of lung cancer or something, I'd get a chance to say some shit. But noooo, here I am. I'm like five freaking feet off the ground! Man, I am so boned.

It's teeth are gnarly dude, all crooked and shit. Like I'm not sure which one goes up and which one goes down. And it's breath, it could use a tictac, but I ain't much better right now; I think I've done shit myself.

It's eyeballs are like freaky as fuck. All glassy and shit, reminding me of dead fish eyes. Where the hell did this thing come from? It's fingers...or are they tentacles ? Well whatever they are, they're tightening around my throat. I'm struggling here, legs flailing, what nails I have breaking off trying to get out of its grip.

Dude! Its free hand, claw, tentacle, whatever! It's rooting around at my shorts. Oh hell no! I ain't gonna get probed! No way no how! It's huffing at me all weird as I'm kicking at it. Fight or flight man! Fight or flight!

Awwww man! It done ripped my pocket off my favorite cargo shorts! My keys to my truck and my house, my loose change, the notes I had taken, and all the crap I stuffed in there; it all fell to the floor! At least drop my wallet so the guards can call my mom after you eat me!

I am so dead. It grabbed me by my feet, I'm dangling head first over the shiny white tile. Man, this reminds me of middle school! Bullies got me strung up by my feet, punching me or shaking me till my lunch money falls to the ground. Like for real! This scaly fucker is shaking me up and down! Does vomit count as an appetizer? 'Cause that's whats gonna happen if you keep doing this!

"Finally!"

I shake my head. Did this thing just talk? Like how? It's mouth man, all those teeth and it's got like no lips. This thing's rooting around on the ground and pulled up my damn snickers bar! "Hey, that's mine!" I'm still dizzy but ready to put up a fight! It's feet are weird, kinda remind me of a duck, but a fat duck, got the webbed shit between its three toes. Oh man, I think I'm gonna hurl. They just look so nasty.

"Excuse me?"

Oh shit, I done pissed it off even more. It lifted me up so I'm level with its fish eyes. It blinks, kinda like a bird does. It's giving me the creeps man. "I'll fight you for it you scaly fuck! If you wanna eat it then you can eat it after I eat it and then you eat me!" I put up my fists ready to go. Man, am I really gonna fight a alien? I am so fucking dead.

"I'll have you know, I am only scaly because they took my lotion away." It lowered me to the ground...wait...it lowered me to the ground! Why?

"And I don't eat meat, but I love these delicious treats." It done scooped up another item from the floor, a chess piece. "Are you any good at chess?"

"Yeah." I jerked my head up, what does that have to do with anything?

"I'll play you for it." This alien waves the snickers bar in front of my damn face. "The guards here are imbeciles and only play checkers."

Alright man! I ain't getting eaten today! Dude, the truth is out there! And it ain't what you expect.