Still Breathing

1

You had heard about soulmates before, your parents mentioned it once or twice, showing you their white, Orchid shaped marks on their left hand's ring finger. But you only really got taught what the term meant exactly, the day after your eight birthday when your friend came to school, beaming because her mark, now still dark red, had appeared that night. It was in the shape of a Forget me not flower which caused some commotion in your class as people started to find out their parents all had different flowers. Didn't everyone have the same flower then?
The teacher calmed everyone down and explained that the flower you have fits your personality and that you and your soulmate have the same flower on you. She explained that soulmates are often not far apart age wise, and what the word soulmate meant exactly.
A love. Just for you.
You were in the clouds, you needed your soulmate to appear right now and fall in love. You wanted that warmth and comfort love gave you. You went up in your own thoughts and hadn't heard anything the teacher said beyond that point, until she mentioned something about not everyone getting their mark and so not everyone finding a soulmate.
Later you learned marks appeared during puberty. Some people got them sooner, some people got them later. But somewhere around puberty most people got their mark.
That didn't mean it didn't worry you. There were people, though only a few, that never got their mark. They would be alone forever, or get married to someone who wasn't specially made for them. What if you were one of those people?
You waited for your mark, checking your finger everyday. But even as you turned seventeen and all your friends already had their mark, yours still hadn't shown up.
You tried your best to hide how disappointed you were every time you looked at your plain hand. And everytime it scared you more and more. What if you really were one of those few people who never found their soulmate?
Afraid you would never meet the person of your dreams, the person made for you and you alone, you desperately started searching. Clinging onto everyone who was even the slightest bit nice to you.
You even had a boyfriend, that is, until his mark turned white when he first met your friend. A thing you couldn't get angry over; it's not like you could choose your soulmate. You envied your friend though, not necessarily for the guy, but for the fact she found him. You'd give anything to get what she got.
As you turned twenty, and the mark still hadn't appeared, you decided to just... give up, throw in the towel. You tried to stop hoping, tried to stop expecting. Just hoping that eventually someone would turn to you saying their mark had turned white as they bumped into you or something like that.
You also gave up on boyfriends, you had never really loved any of them anyway, and they basically only caused you to feel more horrible about the whole matter.
But then, during your first internship, which would last two semesters, you met a peculiar guy. A guy who made you heart flutter like it never had before. You had no idea how to describe this feeling but you did know that, as soon as your stomach started to make summersaults, you got scared. For some reason. This is how people in books explained falling in love... did that mean you were falling in love with this guy?
Joshua Hong, an intern just like you, but from a different school. He was charming, nice and really, really pretty. And every time you saw his smile your heart skipped a beat. Everyday you started looking forward to seeing him again and you hated yourself for it. This guy probably had a lovely relationship with someone already, maybe even a soulmate even though you hadn't spotted a red nor a white flower on his finger. And also because you really did not want to fall in love.
But you couldn't help it, and as the internship came to an end you found yourself asking for his number. That night you laid in bed with a horrible pain at your chest. You blamed the stress of the internship ending and the butterflies you had had that day.
Joshua wasn't a stupid guy, he knew damn well that when you asked him if he wanted to do something fun together you were referring to a date. And when,  after a wonderful day at the theme park, you leaned in for a kiss, he had to stop you.
He put a hand to your chest to stop you and slightly turned his head away, looking down "I'm sorry..." he sighed "I can't. I really like you but... I promised myself to keep myself for my soulmate."
That statement was like a punch to the stomach for you. Though you knew you could have expected it. You gulped and leaned back, trying to hold back your tears. You tried to ignore the horrible pains in your chest "Right..." It was difficult to keep your voice steady "I'm sorry."
He took your hands in his and smiled a charming eyesmile "That's alright."
You couldn't help your eyes from looking at his ring finger. There was no flower. Not red, not white. You wondered if he knew not everyone had a soulmate.
He had brought you home and with a kiss upon your forehead he left you at your door, chest hurting like crazy. You had been home for about an hour when you started coughing. A little bit of blood came from your mouth before you felt something get stuck in the back of your throat. It hurt like crazy. You ran to your sink and started coughing harder, more violently.
You had no idea what to think when you coughed up a pink, swirly flower petal.
You kept quiet, told no one about what had happened. You knew it wasn't normal to cough up petals, or anything solid for that matter, but you couldn't just tell anyone. They'd think you crazy, wouldn't believe you. So you kept quiet, tried to convince yourself it never happened and forget about it. And you managed to keep calm, managed to barely think about it. But everytime you coughed you were scared another petal might fall out.
But that didn't happen until a day before you saw Joshua again. The two of you were going out for dinner, which you were excited about; maybe you could get him to give in and kiss you anyway. You hadn't planned on thinking that but you couldn't help it. You almost kissed him, that kind of meant you liked a person right.
He had asked you to dinner for the next day and just as you got excited you started coughing again. Loud, hoarse, painful.
This time not one, but three flower petals laid upon your lap. You had no idea what you were supposed to do.
You had decided you wouldn't tell Joshua anything, it wasn't anything he should be concerned about anyway. He had his own problems, you did not want to be a bother.
His cheerful attitude made you forget what had happened the previous night, your heart racing because you saw him again. His smile completely making you forget everything. And even as you got home that night you were too happy to care about the new flower petals you coughed up. At least,  you tried not to be bothered by it. But the next day you looked at the pink petals, you had placed in your bathroom, and started wondering again. Wondering about what was happening and what you were supposed to do about it.
You figured that maybe it would be a good idea to figure out what flower it was. It seemed to be the same kind every time, so maybe if you looked this flower up there would be an explanation. Maybe this was a flower that more people coughed up and it wasn't at all weird that this was happening.
So you threw on a coat and got ready to make your way to the nearest flower shop. But when you opened your door, flower petal in your hand, you stood face to face with Joshua.