Brave Enough

Twenty - Four

      "James, what's going on baby? You were quite the entire ride here. You're thinner, you're not eating well, and you just threw up in the bathroom of a Mexican restaurant." Buck pushes her down on to the bed and kneels in front of her. He watches as she runs a nervous hand over belly.

       "I'm scared, Buck. I'm scared to lose you. I'm scared of going home. I hate being scared. But worst of all I'm scared I'll have to live my life without you," James says. "I'm so stressed out over it. I haven't slept in a month." Buck holds her face to his.

       "I'm here baby. You're safe," Buck stands and lifts his shirt over his head. He hands it to her. There's a knock at the door that makes her jump. "Baby, it's okay."

       "Hey it's Jer. I brought your bag, Buck," Jerome says from the other side of the door. Buck opens the door. "How's she doing? Marcus and I were talking. She looks sick."

      "She's overly stressed and hasn't slept in a month. Terrified of Colin. Athena is going to be so mad when she sees the state she's in. We were actually about to go to bed I don't think she can handle anymore excitement today. And after breakfast we'll have to leave." Buck opens the door so Jerome can see James sitting on the bed shivering and tears running down her cheeks.

      "She looks stressed and tired. But something else is going on. I'll see you in the morning," Jerome says. Buck closes the door and drops his bag on the floor. Stripping off his pants and climbs onto the bed. James snuggles up to him and falls into a deep sleep she had been needing.

****

      "What did you do? Colin, what did you do?" Buck's panicked cries rattle James from her slumber. "James," he cries. James crawls on top of him and wraps herself around him.

        "Shh. Baby, I'm right here. It's okay. I'm right here," she says soothingly stroking his hair and holding him tight. Buck's breathing returns to normal and his eyes open. "I'm right here baby. It's okay," she continues.

       "Baby, what happened?"

        "You had a nightmare. It's okay just go back to sleep. I'm not going anywhere," she says sliding off of him. Buck's grip on her tightens keeping her on top of him. "I'm here baby. I'm here," James relaxes against his body. She runs her fingers through his hair until he falls back asleep gripping her tightly. His fingers dig into her skin making her flinch.

      Soon Buck finally releases her from his grip and she slips out of the bed. She puts on running clothes and shoes and leaves for a run. The harder she runs the less she thinks about her stress and her worries.

       An hour later James finds herself standing in front of her hotel room. Everything rushes back to her. Opening the door she finds herself back in the apartment she once lived in with Colin. He stands at the tv mantle. Anger vibrating through his body. "How could you be this fucking stupid Billie? I got you on birth control for a fucking reason." Colin throws a vase at her. James jumps back and it shatters on the floor at her feet. Colin runs up to her and shoves her to the ground, straddles her and begins to slam her head into the wood floors.

****

       "James? Baby. Dammit not again," Buck pulls himself out of bed and starts to leave when he notices the door to the bathroom cracked and the sound of the water splashing. "James?" Opening the door Buck finds James asleep in the tub. "Oh my god." He touches the ice cold water and jumps from the shock of the cold. Once more he reaches into the tub and lifts her out. He wraps her cold body in a towel and notices bruises along her back and arms.

       "Buck? What are you doing?" James rubs her eyes and hugs the towel around her.

       "The water was freezing and you were asleep. I just got you out. Who did this to you?" He motions to the bruises.

       "I know it was freezing. I took an iced bath," Buck continues to look at her bruises. "You did. It was an accident. You were having a nightmare and I laid on top of you as you fell back asleep gripping me. You just gripped a little harder than you meant to."

      "Baby, I'm so sorry. Why did you take an iced bath and why was the light off?"

      She looks down. "The light was off because I knew I'd fall asleep. I went for a run and then I got stuck in a memory. So I took one to calm myself down. Let's get dressed. Maisie and everyone will be at Lolo's soon. I want to be able to see them before we leave."

****

       "She's okay I guess. She's lost a lot of weight and is stressing. I'm worried about her still. Athena is going to lose her shit when she sees her. You know how mama bear she gets with them. She's coming out of the bathroom now. Wanna talk to her?"

       "Duh. Give me my girl!" Maddie says.

       "Babe Maddie wants to talk to you," Buck says handing her the phone.

        "Hey Maddie. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. I thought I was protecting Buck," she says.

       "I understand. We've missed you girls. What else is going on? You don't sound well," Maddie responds.

       "I'll tell you when we get home. I'm not ready to tell someone yet. If you catch my drift," James says looking around to make sure Buck isn't listening. "I'm going through a lot more than what I left with."

      "You better tell me everything. In full detail. Unless it has to do with Buck. I can live without in-depth details about sex with him," Maddie says making James laugh.

       "I mean I get why they call him firehose..."

       "James Malina gross!" Maddie shouts. The outburst makes James laugh out. "Oh I so did not need to know that about my baby brother James. Oh god. I think I'm going to puke now," Maddie says making laugh James laugh even more. "I'm glad to hear you laugh again. I gotta go Chim is bugging me. See you tomorrow?"

       "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Chim I said hi," James says.

****

       "You have to promise to stay in contact. Updates at least once a week. Okay?" Raven says hugging James.

"I promise. You guys have to too. I miss y'all already!" From behind James Cleo runs up to Koby and hugs him.

"James? Do we get to see Chris and Uncle Eddie now? And Mama Thena and Pops Bobby?" Light begins to fill Cleo's eyes. "I miss Auntie Maddie and Uncle Chim. And auntie Hen too!"

"Yes sweet pea. We're going to go home and see everyone. Dad will you keep Cleo a moment? I need to go to the restroom before we hit the road."

"Be quick. We need to be on the road in ten minutes. No makeup touch ups," He says.

"I'm not wearing makeup dad." James turns and walks back towards the bathrooms. She sits on the toilet letting the nausea roll over her in the privacy of the stall. There is a tap on the stall door.

"Promise you'll see a doc when you get home. James this isn't normal. You shouldn't be constantly sick. Even if it were morning sickness. This is to persistent to be that," Maisie says with concern. "You don't eat enough for your current situation. And you're losing weight when you should be gaining." The door swings open and Maisie hugs James.