I lie awake late at night and I stare at the ceiling once again. I don't know what to do. I have no idea if I want to cry or if I just plainly want to die. I have already made my decision that I'm gonna live on. Every day is a struggle. I swear sometimes I'm great, I feel like there is absolutely nothing on my plate. But then if even the slightest thing hits me wrong then I feel like I'm back at day one. In reality, I'm fucking scared. I'm like a child left alone in the dead of night, and there's a huge storm outside, and I don't even have the comfort of a blanket to protect me from the harshness of the storm. I put on a smile and a giggle, I keep my head up as if through the proper posture I can float up past the sky.
Listen, I know I sound like an overly sensitive little kid, crying out cause she's in desperate need of attention. I realize what I'm like. This is what frustrates me the most because I feel pathetic, but I won't accept your pity. Pity will only anger me. I feel like a whiney bitch needing everything to be perfect for her so she doesn't flip. So I pretend that I'm not sick. Until it gets too bad and then I explode. The hardest part is how fast it will switch, one moment I'm crying and hiding, then next thing you know I'll be fine. It makes no fucking sense. Have I lost my mind!?
Maybe, it would be better if I wasn't alive. The scary part is I can't tell what's real and what's in my mind. What did I do? Do you know because obviously I do not? Which is frustrating because I don't know who I can trust. Then out of my ass, I pull up some hope. So I seem to be doing great until in a second I will break. Tell me what I'm supposed to do. My whole life I've been told what to do then in a second I'm by myself and I can't do a single right.
If you asked me honestly, "If I died would you cry?" I would have to say no. In all honesty, I've never cried when someone dies. I don't even know if you are real.
I'm sorry, that's all I feel like I can say.
I really want to escape. I wanna run away and hide from the world. Until I fade away.
I'm sorry for everything I have ever done. I know I have done you wrong at least once, and if not your time will come.
I'm sorry.
YOU ARE READING
idk
Short Story~ Hey, I'm Sam and this me.♡ This "book"is me I guess, so this "book" is made up of random thoughts, poems for when I feel like it, stories, things to explain how I feel and my feelings, or just stuff I wrote when I felt like writing. I don't re...
