"Sarah....?"
"Sarah...?"
"Sarah?!"
I heard my name being called to me as I slowly woke up, although I don't remember going to sleep.
"Sarah!! You're awake!" I ached as someone threw their arms around me.
I tried to open my eyes but the lights were too bright.
"How are you feeling?" The strange voice asked.
I opened my eyes a bit and saw a blurry figure... a girl with long brown hair above me.
"My head hurts." I said hoarsely.
"Do you remember what happened Sarah?"
"What do you mean?"
"Look around." The voice stated.
As my eyes adjusted I saw a hospital monitor and all the tubes were hooked up to... me.
"No I don't." I said truthfully.
"You tried to kill yourself." The girl I finally recognized managed to say.
"Melanie?"
"You remember me!"
"Of course I do, where's my mom?"
"She's at work, she got called in but she said to call her when you woke up... if you woke up."
"Oh."
"Don't you wanna know where your dad is?"
"No I'm sure he's at home."
"Yeah.. he's gonna pick you up once they check you over and say you're ok to go home."
"Great..." I said unenthusiastically, followed by a long silence between the two of us.
"Sarah?" She broke the silence.
"Yeah?"
"Why..?"
"Why what?"
"Why'd you do it? Try to kill yourself I mean.."
"Umm..." I procrastinated.
"Do you remember?" She asked and I thought about my answer for a minute.
"No." I lied.
"Oh, are you ok?"
"Peachy." I said sarcastically.
"You were in a coma for 3 months."
"Really?"
"You really don't remember anything?" She asked desperately.
"No." I lied. She looked disappointed.
"Why do you want to know anyways?"
"I want to know why my best friend tried to kill herself. Why I wasn't there for you... why I didn't see it.."
It's not your fault. You couldn't have done anything. I think to myself
"I'm sorry.." was all that could come out.
"Hello?" A voice called from the doorway ending this horrible conversation. A man walked in shortly after and walked up to us. "I'm Dr. Sherek, I've been you're attending doctor for the last 3 months.
"Hi." I replied not knowing quite what to say.
"You gave us quite a scare, it took a lot of good nurses and doctors to bring you back."
"Bring me back?" I said to myself.
"You were gone for 12 minutes before we were able to bring you back. But the point is you're ok. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"
"No I guess not."
"How are you feeling? Any headaches? Amnesia?"
"No-" I was interrupted by Melanie.
"Yes, she can't remember attempting-" the doctor interrupted her.
"We'll call it the 'incident' if you could please." She nodded in understanding. "So you don't remember the incident huh? Well that's pretty common in these cases, you can remember everything else though?"
"Yes." Unfortunately.
"That's good. I'm just going to have you follow this light with your eyes." He shined a pen light in my eyes and I followed it as he inspected.
"You look good. Well as good as can be expected. I think we can get you your discharge papers, but you will have to attend some support groups and keep tabs with an assigned service agent."
"Wonderful." I said sarcastically.
We sat in silence as he went to get my papers. After a few minutes a woman walked in.
"Hello my names Cherene, I'm you're nurse." She said as she handed me a little paper cup with a handful of pills inside.
"What's this?" I asked staring at the cup.
"Just some pain medication, anxiety medication, depression medication, and some anti-inflammatory meds for your injuries."
"Oh. Do I need all that?"
"Well when you're current pain meds wear off you'll wish you had them so yes."
"What about the depression and anxiety meds?"
"We don't want you to go home and try this again."
"And you think that will make a difference?"
"That and the fact that your friend here volunteered to watch over you upon your release."
"Great." I said as I took the pills from the cup and grabbed the cup of water on my tray table. Just then the doctor came back.
"I have your papers, you're free to get dressed and leave, when you're ready just call for a nurse with the button next to your bed." He said promptly then walked out followed by the nurse.
I grabbed my clothes out of the wardrobe in the room and went into the bathroom to change. I took my hospital gown off and saw them all. So many scars on my arms and thighs, including the new ones from the attempt, or sorry the "incident" I rolled my eyes and grabbed my jeans. Then my t-shirt, and put them on.
I looked in the mirror the thing I hate to do the most. I looked awful, bags under my eyes like I hadn't just slept for 3 months, my face pale, and my whole being looked like it would fall apart if you touched me. After that I walked back out to get my stuff and leave, I didn't want to be here any longer.
"Ready to go?" Melanie asked.
"I guess."
She called for a nurse to come get me and for some reason I had to leave in a wheelchair. The nurse wheeled me to the front door and we waited for Melanie to get her car and pull around to the front door. As she pulled up in her little silver car I stood up with assistance from the nurse and got in the passenger seat of her car.
"To you're house?" She asks.
"Sure why not.." I said leaning my head against the window as I looked out at the rain.
"I'm glad to have you back." She said.
"I'm sorry you had to lose me." I said truthfully.
I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just wanted to end the hurt I had to endure.
YOU ARE READING
Why?
Non-Fiction"Why do you do it?" "What do you do with something that's broken?" "Throw it away." She answered. "Fix it." He replied. *** Everyone wants to know why she did what she did. She just wants to understand what happened to her so she doesn't feel so dea...
