Professional Jacka*s

25; i'm sorry

25; i'm sorry

I fiddled with my fingers and paced around in the open area of Ryan's room. I pressed my lips in a thin line, attempting to calm myself down by breathing deeply and telling myself that it will be okay.

I glanced back at the bed and all that greeted me was the flashback of what happened literally an hour ago. I clenched my fist and groaned in annoyance.

Why did I have to let my feelings take over?

I rubbed my face against my palm.

Dylan is going to hate me. I already broke his heart once, I can't do it again.

Do I hide it from him?

Do I tell him?

I had this sudden urge to feel sick to my stomach because of the overwhelming thoughts.

As I gathered myself together, I thought of situations I could tell Dylan, and why I was away from him for so long.

If I can find Leah, it should all be okay.

I held the straps of my mini leather backpack and sneaked out of Ryan's room. I checked both ways to make sure the coast is clear before I fully invite myself into the hallway. I bit my lower lip nervously and looked over the railing, seeing people still crowding around the beer pong table.

My eyes shifted over to Dylan, who was sitting on the couch with a beer bottle in his hand, talking to the boys we were talking to before all this mess happened.

I can just tell him that I went to look for Leah, but instead ran into Caleb, Jacob and Ryan instead.

Walking down the stairs, I felt eyes looking at me; but no one was even paying their littlest attention towards me. My back started tingling from the nerves that were flowing through my body.

I forced myself to walk over to Dylan, who was clearly buzzed and happy.

"Babe," I said, standing in front of him.

"Hey," he responds in a sweet tone.

Dylan grins at me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me down to sit on his lap. I faked a smile and played with his hair.

"Where did you go?" he asks me, placing his cheeks against my arm.

"I was just walking around," I lied, "His house is really big."

Dylan didn't ask anymore questions, thankfully because of those kids on the baseball team. They were talking about some rapper's new album; I didn't really pay much attention to it.

The only thing I paid attention to was the look on Ryan's face across the room.

He looked neatly put together, even after what had just happened. Kate was right next to him, their bodies were tangled up in each other. He had his arm around her waist, and her face was resting on his chest. He was leaned against the wall, while she was cuddling against him.

His eyes wandered around in the room before it lands on me.

We locked eyes and I immediately turned my attention back to Dylan.

"Baby, I'm hungry," I said.

Even though we were far away, I could feel Ryan's gaze on me and it started to make me feel uncomfortable.

Dylan chuckles and lightly pushed me off of his lap.

I stood up and so did he. We made our way to the kitchen, the complete opposite way of Ryan's direction.