Anger.
Often I've been having outbursts of anger for no sensible reason. They're immediately followed by episodes of immense sadness, despair and guilt—also for reasons I cannot explain.
The day I tried to kill myself I had been angry, very angry, for no particular reason.
I can hardly remember that day—hardly is putting it mildly, I don't know what the fuck happened, I don't even know what day it was.
But I remember anger, lots of anger and then the sadness took over, the shift was so sudden and abrupt, I guess I just couldn't handle it.
So yeah, I've been angry and sometimes I take it out on people and then I get sad and feel guilty, and my day is ruined.
There are days where just the presence of another human being will put me on edge.
There are also days where I can't stop crying—whether it is from sadness, whether it is from excessive anger, I just can't seem to stop.
And then there are days where I don't feel anything, days were my existence feels pointless, were I feel worthless, days where I feel I have no reason to live, to take a shower, to get out of bed.
Days where I can't even distract with series and videos on the internet because they become too complex for my brain to breakdown and process the information.
Those days are worse than the angry ones.
Love from Mars.
