Dema Don't Control Us (Joshler)

Hell (aka DEMA)

Josh had his first meeting with Nico. It was absolutely stupid, but that's exactly what Josh was expecting.

"So Josephine, there are a few problems with your wardrobe. First of all, Nirvana is inappropriate, you are a Christian. Secondly, your overall appearance is too masculine. Finally, neon yellow hair is not a good way to express yourself," Nico lectured. Josh looked at the floor. "I have brown hair dye, I'm going to change it back to your natural color." Nico picked up a box of hair dye. Josh shrugged, he didn't really care.

Nico began working on Josh's hair, but continued talking. "I also have a cardigan and a skirt I would like you to wear," he smiled condescendingly. That's when Josh began to panic. He would look like a girl. Dysphoria was setting in. He wanted to cry. He didn't say anything though.

~

When Nico was finished dying, washing, and blow-drying Josh's hair, he instructed him to go try on the new clothes. Josh reluctantly went into the bathroom by Nico's office, and that's where he broke down.

His parents had loved him so much before he came out. He was his mommy's "Babydoll," his daddy's "Josie Posy." He had destroyed their world. His brother and sisters still loved him, but they couldn't do anything.

At school, he was just a "trender," trying to get attention, playing the victim, not even trying to pass, because what kind of trans guy is attracted to men and dyes their hair unnatural colors?

And here he was just an abomination. Tyler and Jenna cared. But Nico didn't, and neither did any of the other staff members he'd seen roaming the halls.

The only way he could be happy was pretend to be a girl. And ignore how uncomfortable that made him. So, through his tears, he put on the cardigan and skirt, then cleaned himself up so Nico wouldn't know he had been crying. 

Nico grinned when Josh came out of the bathroom. "You look beautiful, darling," he said. Josh forced a smile. "Now, I'm going to have a female staff member investigate your... undergarments. Determine if they are appropriate." Josh's heart fell. They were going to take away his binder and boxers, make him wear a bra and panties. It was so humiliating.

Nico picked up his walkie talkie. "Andrea, come to my office please," he said into the radio. About a minute later, a woman walked in. "Andrea, this is Josephine. She arrived yesterday. I would like you to examine her for inappropriate undergarments," said Nico. "Alright Josie, let's go to your room," Andrea said in a sickly sweet voice.

Jenna wasn't there, thank god. Josh didn't want her seeing him almost naked. But an adult seeing him? That was scary. "Just take off your clothes, sweetie, we're both girls, it doesn't matter," Andrea gushed. Josh internally cringed, but took off the cardigan and skirt he'd been wearing.

"What's this?" asked Andrea, indicating Josh's binder. "Umm... it's a sports bra... for modesty," Josh muttered. To his relief, Andrea smiled. "How lovely. What a lovely Christian girl you are. But why are you wearing men's underwear?" Josh panicked for a second, there was no way in hell he would wear panties. "They cover more of my leg, therefore they're more modest," he improvised. "Lovely. Now get your clothes back on, I'm telling Nico how wonderfully modest you are."

Josh sighed in relief as they walked back to Nico's office. "Nico, there's nothing inappropriate or sexual. She's very modest," said Andrea. "Good, good, and you're a beautiful girl when you're not dressed like a devil-worshipping tranny," Nico smirked. Josh forced himself to laugh, but he still felt violated, invalidated, and disgusted. "Now Josephine, go to the classroom that says 'female activities,' they're braiding each other's hair. I'm sure you'll have fun," said Nico.

Josh faked a smile as he left, but grumbled as soon as the door closed. What kind of fucking education was this? Kindergarten? Fuck.

He nervously walked into the "female activities" room. A female staff member sat behind a desk, supervising, probably so nobody would start fucking each other. A couple heads turned, including Jenna. She looked shocked. Josh sat down next to her, and the girl who was braiding her hair. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Josh," whispered Jenna. The other girl nodded sympathetically. "Who's that?" asked Josh. "Josh, this is Debby. Debby, this is Josh." Jenna dropped her voice to a whisper. "Debby's my girlfriend but don't tell anyone." Josh smiled and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Debby." Debby held Jenna's hair in one hand and shook Josh's hand with the other. "Nice to meet you too."

"So guys, do we actually have school here, or just this bullshit?" Josh asked. "We have school," said Debby. "It starts at 1, finishes at 5. Basically they try to cram in all the normal stuff they're required to teach, and spend the rest of the time reading the bible." Josh groaned. "I know, man, it's rough," Jenna sighed. "At least you'll have Tyler in class though. Maybe you could sit next to him..." Josh smiled at that. He liked Tyler. Tyler was gentle, sweet, beautiful... hopefully he didn't mind boys in skirts.

~

At lunch, Tyler, Josh, Debby, and Jenna sat together. "Did they seriously make you wear that?" asked Tyler. "Yeah..." Josh trailed off. "That's so stupid. You're a boy. I thought they were against boys wearing skirts," Tyler grumbled. 

"Tyler... I never really explained what transgender means. I'm biologically a female. But I identify as male. Therefore, I go by Josh. And I use he/him pronouns," Josh explained. And then it clicked in Tyler's head. "I understand now. They're trying to make you go back to what you were born as," he said. "I support you as a boy though. You're a really cute boy as well." Josh blushed. 

"And wearing a skirt doesn't make you a girl. My roommate Awsten had a friend named Otto at home, he's always been a boy, identifies as a boy... he sometimes wears skirts and crop tops. If he's not a girl, you aren't either," Tyler affirmed. Josh grinned. Tyler really understood him, he was supportive of gender non conformity... he called him cute... if they weren't in conversion therapy, he would have proposed to Tyler already.

"How the hell are you so woke, Tyler? I thought you were trying to rid yourself of homosexuality," Jenna teased. "I... had a change of heart, and besides, I was somewhat woke before Nico started 'converting' me," said Tyler. "I'd just never met a transgender person before, so now I guess I'm extra woke." 

He was being 100% honest, he really had had a change of heart, and it felt like a giant weight had been lifted off his chest. He was no longer hiding who he was from his friends (the staff were a different story). But really, he was happy that Josh was there.

~

School was horrible, but what would one expect from a place like DEMA combined with the institution known as school? Since Tyler and Josh were both in sophomore year, they were at least in the same class.

After school, there was dinner, and then one hour of free time. Tyler and Josh went outside and walked around a bit. "So... Tyler... Jenna said you went through a phase where you were a huge jerk. I just wanted to ask... why?," Josh asked. Tyler sighed. "I was scared, Josh. If you're disobedient the way I was, Nico hits you with a yardstick." Josh gasped. "I'm so sorry, Tyler."

"There's more," said Tyler. "Nico left me in a tiny room with no food or water for three days. Alone. Nobody else knew about that. Nico said if I told anyone I'd get beaten again." Josh grabbed Tyler's hand. "I'm really sorry, I'm here for you," he whispered. Tyler squeezed his hand back. "I'm here for you too, Josh."

Josh leaned in and pressed his lips to Tyler's. Tyler kissed back. They both knew, at that moment, that something had gone right in this hellhole.