Serendipity || DONGJUN

14

It was a cute confession, he admits it made his heart flutter. It also made him think a little bit, why would Donghun like me? He thought about it a lot and he hasn't come up with anything yet. He tried, he stared in the mirror long and hard looking at his features. He even laid on the floor afterwards thinking of what aspects of his personality Donghun could possibly be attracted to. Nothing. So, he decided to just ask Donghun. He knew it could be embarrassing but he thought, what's the worst that could happen?

That's what he's doing right now, nearly two weeks after Donghun's confession. It was a break between classes and Junhee knew Donghun was outside smoking so that's where he was standing--kind of. He was standing in front of the doors, his stomach whirling. He took a couple deep breaths and opened the door--cigarette smoke filling his nostrils making him cringe.

"Donghun?" Junhee asked, now standing in front of him. Donghun smiled as he blew the smoke out in the opposite direction of Junhee.

"Hey, baby. What's up?"

"Okay, listen, so I've been thinking--"

"Uh oh," Donghun chuckled out, Junhee sighed with a small laugh.

"I've been thinking about your confession, right? And I'm just wondering, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you like me? I've thought about it since the night you told me and it just doesn't make sense to me like why me?" Donghun put out his cigarette and cupped Junhee's face gently.

"I like you because you're you, I don't know how else to describe it, Junhee. You're unapologetically you," he let go of Junhee's face, "Does that answer satisfy you?" Junhee tilted his head to the side slightly, confused. He blinked, his lips naturally pouting out. Donghun stared at Junhee with a smile. "Well?"

"Yes. Thank you, uh I will get going now, I uh guess," Junhee pointed to the door as he slowly walked backwards towards it. Donghun chuckled and shook his head.

"You're cute, Park Junhee," Donghun told him before he left.

Junhee went and grabbed his binder and a pencil case and went to class, his face a pretty pink.

-

It was Wednesday so Junhee has choir. He stood in the church with the rest of the choir members and pretended to listen to whatever they had to say. He wasn't really interested in what they were saying nor was he interested in choir anymore. 'Maybe I'll drop choir' he thought to himself, moving side to side out of boredom. 

He thought about his past, how he grew up, how much things have changed, how his "relationship" with Donghun first started.

He was a curious child, always asking questions. One time he found a frog in their backyard and brought it in the house--asking his mother what it was and where it came from while she cooked lunch. Of course, she freaked out and told him to throw it back outside. 

She helped him wash his hands and explained to him that he shouldn't bring in such creatures. Junhee helped his mother out with lunch and she told him that frogs are creatures from God. She said she didn't know what they were for but God made them so they must have a purpose. God made everything with a purpose. 

Growing up Junhee was taught everything and everyone had a purpose, he went to church every Sunday, prayed at least three times a day. With his mom he was happy but as he got older he started feeling out of place, like he didn’t belong in his own family. He pushed it aside and prayed, his answer to everything in his life was praying. He figured if he prayed hard enough God would help him. 

As a little boy, Junhee hated Donghun. Donghun bullied Junhee, he pushed him, called him names, even excluded him from class activities. The teachers thought putting the two in groups would help the two get along but it always ended with Junhee doing all the work. Junhee thought Donghun was too lazy for his own good. They were never friends, didn't know anything about each other--only knew each others names. 

Donghun found Junhee fascinating, he told him that one time. Junhee thought about it for weeks, possibly months. They were only twelve years of age when Donghun told Junhee this. Junhee wouldn't stop asking his friends what he could've meant by it, they joked around and said if he asks one more time they're going to think Junhee has a crush on him. Junhee never brought it up again.

Now that Junhee thinks about it, his heart raced when Donghun leaned close to his face just to stare at him a little too long only to tell him he's fascinating. Thinking back even now his face heats up and his palms get sweaty. 'Maybe I always had a thing for Lee Donghun,' Junhee would think to himself on lonely nights he couldn't sleep so he thought about himself.

Junhee thought about himself and his past a lot. How much he's changed, went from three prayers a day to only praying when asked. He feels guilty to the God he once worshipped with every part of him, he feels guilty for not praying, for questioning his faith. God and Jesus were his saviors--at least that's what he was told all his life. He didn't know what to believe anymore, he was questioning his faith, sexuality, and who he actually is as a person. If there was one thing he was sure about; it would be that Lee Donghun does make his heart race.

Junhee kept quiet now, he blocked people out--afraid they'd find out. He even ignored his friends who he loved and trusted most in this world. Why? He doesn't know, he knows they would be fine with it but it's still scary. He's scared of being found out, scared of not being accepted, of being too late, being too everything. So, he's gone quiet. He makes excuses: 'I'm just tired! Don't worry about it, AP classes are kicking my ass haha.' 'Sorry, I can't hang out; I have homework.' 'I can't, I'm busy. Sooyoung wanted me to do her a favour…' 'Oh after? Uh actually, my mom wanted me to help her make bread so I can't. Maybe next time.'

He felt like he was betraying all his friends but he couldn't help but feel this way. He couldn't help but feel trapped and terrified of himself. He was stuck but too afraid to ask for help.

"Junhee!" He heard someone yell, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Oh? I'm sorry, what?" He blinked, looking around.

"What are you doing this weekend?" A choir member asked. Junhee gasp and snapped his fingers.

"I just remembered it's Dong- I mean my friend's birthday party this weekend! But, my family is having a dinner. Choices," Junhee hummed. He knows he told Donghun he wouldn't be able to make it to his party but he wants to be there instead of the formal dinner party that'll be filled with old homophobic people who will ask him if he has a girlfriend yet then ask him why he doesn't have one yet. 

"Skip the dinner and go party!" One of the guys said enthusiastically, throwing his hands in the air. Junhee laughed and shook his head.

"My family has been planning this for months, I can't miss it," Junhee peeked at the clock on the wall; five fifteen, choir was over in five minutes, what's the harm if he leaves early to go home? "Actually, I should go now to get help my mom bake some stuff for the dinner." Junhee waved goodbye and left to go home.

-

Junhee entered the house a d heard his mother ending a phone call. "Who was that?" He asked, taking off his shoes and walking to the kitchen. His mother was sat, a cigarette in hand while she shook her head gently.

"It was uncle Hyunjae. Auntie Yeongha has to go to the hospital on Saturday for a check up. The dinner has been moved to Sunday. The extra day is putting me off. I had everything set up and planned but now it's ruined!" Junhee rubbed his mother's back.

"Everything will turn out perfect. I know it will," Mrs. Park placed her own hand on her shoulder. 

"You're a great son, Junhee."

"Thank you, it's because you raised me," she snickered and put out her burning cigarette. Junhee hated the smell. "Do you need help on Saturday?"

"I should be fine. Why?"

"I made another friend at school and he's throwing a birthday party this weekend for himself and invited me. At first I said I couldn't because I had a family dinner but now that Saturday is cleared I would like to go. May I?" Mrs. Park sighed.

"Yes dear, you may," Junhee smiled, he kissed his mother's cheek.

"Thank you."