Since I have started to notice what used to be a background, it just feels weird. Imagine all of these years where you felt nothing, then waking up one day, slapped by realization that somehow... what used to be nothing is going to be your everything.
It was never easy. It is a lot harder to experience than in the movies. I would carefully choose what to wear the next day I see you. I consider the color of my clothes, even my handkerchiefs. Yellow, red, blue, then sometimes green. I only hope we would think alike and I match at least the color of your shirts. That's just how it is.
Don't get me started on the unfair feelings. It was never new, but I have never considered the angle of how the feeling of jealousy, loneliness, happiness, and sadness changed drastically. Sometimes my heart would just ache and hurt, and then it will jump of glee. My mind would needlessly go back to how I interacted with you, day by day. Did I do well when you asked me for a pen? Are my responses interesting enough?
I never expected I would be this pathetic that I let a single action or word from you to heart. But you see, I've been longing for a long time now. Everyday, I can do nothing. It is only my wishful thinking that somehow, even for moment, luck will be by my side and we could be close the way that I wanted.
Please... please let me be there for you.
YOU ARE READING
Bittersweet
PuisiAn anthology of poems and prose covering an unrequited first love, showing the sweet feeling of naivety, the bitterness of reminiscing the first heartache, and realizations of the fact that an unrequited love, though not a love story is still a stor...
