Broken

Malcolm

"Gil? Is everything okay?" I answered the phone on the front lawn of my parents home.
"You are back in town." He sighed gratefully.
"You've determined that how?" I asked.
"You have that unmistakable, 'I'm at my parents and want to die' tone."
"That's true. I am at my parents and I do want to die." I sighed.
"I have a better idea. I pulled Malcolm into this case but I'm not sure it was a good idea anymore. I think it's really affecting him." He explained.
"Malcolm is a professional. Not much affects him." I sighed.
"This guy's mimicking The Surgeon."
My breath caught in my throat.
"You knew before you pulled him in?" I asked.
"I suspected but no, I didn't know."
"I've studied the case. I could have told you anything you needed to know. He's too close to that."
The Surgeon was the media's moniker for Dr. Martin Whitly, Malcolm's father.
"Can you come?" He asked.
"I haven't seen Malcolm Bright in almost five years." I sighed.
"I know but you were so close. You were the first person he spoke to after his father was arrested. I think he needs you."
"He didn't need me when he left." 
"I don't think that's true."
"Maybe it is, Maybe it isn't. Did you ask him if he needs me?" 
"No. Last time I asked one of you if you needed the other your stubbornness prevailed and you wouldn't let me call."
"I didn't need him." I sighed thinking back to the events of the previous December and how much easier it might have been with him by my side.
"Sure... Will you come?" He asked again.
"Of course I will. It'll take me a couple hours."
"I forgot your parents moved to Monroe." 
"Yeah, shortly after Malcolm and I left for Harvard. Evan was pissed."
"So, I'll see you in a couple hours?"
"Yeah. I'll see you then."
I hung up the phone and looked back towards my parent's house. I didn't really want to see the looks of disapproval nor hear the complaints that they'd give me when I told them I'd be leaving so I just walked out to my metallic gray 2019 Honda Civic and left.
I took a deep breath outside the large double doors to the 75th precinct and opened one of the doors to walk in.
"Can I help you, Ma'am?" A uniformed patrol officer greeted me.
"I'm looking for Lieutenant Gil Arroyo or Malcolm Bright."
"I've got her, Gordon." Gil said coming around the corner.
"Thank you." I smiled at him.
"Gil." I sighed as he hugged me.
"It's good to see you, Lily." He smiled at me.
"You too. Where is he?" I asked.
"He was working in the conference room but I think he fell asleep."
"You shouldn't let him sleep here. He has night terrors." I sighed.
Malcolm's scream pulled me away from Gil and I raced towards the sound. I pushed myself in between the wall of uniformed officers between me and Malcolm. He was tangled on the floor with a young detective with light brown skin and black curly hair. It looked like he was fighting her but I knew he was fighting whatever evil he saw in his mind.
"Back off." I said firmly shielding him with my body as I crouched beside them.
"Malcolm? Can you her me?" I asked as I reached forward and gently rested my palm against the bare skin on the side of his neck. 
He froze, his eyes shot open and he looked at me.
"Lily?" He whispered my name.
"I'm here, Malcolm."
He released the woman on the floor with us and lunged at me wrapping his arms around me.
"It's okay. I've got you. It's okay." I whispered as I met Gil's eye.
"Show's over. Everyone back to work." He said ushering everyone away from us.
"How did you do that?" The young woman on the floor with us asked me.
"Malcolm and I have known each other a very long time. It's just always been this way. I've calmed him out of my fair share of night terrors and he's done the same for me." I explained still holding him to me.
His breath came in quick bursts against my skin drawing my attention back to him.
"Malcolm, you need to calm down, love." I whispered.
"Look at me." I urged pulling gently away from him and placing my hands on either side of his face.
"Look at me. Breathe. Slowly." I instructed looking into his crystal blue eyes.
"In, two, three, four... Hold, two, three, four... Out, two, three, four."
Malcolm breathed with me three or four times before he focused back on me.
"Lily?" He said my name again.
"I'm here." I sighed.
"I don't understand." He shook his head.
"Gil called. Said this guy's mimicking your dad."
He nodded.
"The Quartet." He whispered.
I leaned back against the desk behind me.
The Quartet was a set of four murders The Surgeon committed in 1992. Malcolm was four years old.
"How many?" I asked.
"Three so far."
"Let's catch this son of a bitch." I looked at him.
He nodded and stood up offering me his hand to help me stand.
"You look nice." He said softly taking in my calf length, V neck black dress with 3/4 sleeves.
"Thank you. My mother hated it."
"Of course she did." He shook his head turning to help up his new friend.
"I'm Detective Dani Powell." She said extending her hand to me.
"Dr. Lilian Russell." I smiled taking her hand.
She froze.
"THE Lilian Russell? That solved the Seattle Stalker case?"
"There was a fairly large team that solved that case. I was a small part of it." I chuckled.
"You're the one that got the confession." She pointed out.
"That is my job." I laughed.
"I guess so. I followed that case closely. It was incredible work."
"Thank you, Detective Powell." I smiled.
"Dani, please." She corrected me.
"Of course."
Malcolm in true Malcolm Bright fashion disappeared while Dani and I were talking. I found him and Gil sitting together in Gil's office.
"They're called pavor-nocturnus - night terrors - and they're not fun. But on the bright side they're ruining my life, so..." He explained as Gil waved me in.
"You knew?" Gil asked as I leaned against the door I closed behind me.
"Of course I did. I've known Malcolm for twenty one years. We dated for five. There's not much I don't know." I answered with a shrug while Malcolm nodded.
"You should probably know that I chopped off a man's hand with an axe. I had to. There was a bomb." Malcolm said looking up at me with his best innocent expression.
"Oh, and I got fired from the FBI. I punched a sherriff. He called me 'son'." He shuddered at the memory.
"Well deserved then."
"I thought so. Apparently the board didn't." He frowned.
"We found something in Nico's apartment that you need to see." Gil said looking at Malcolm.
"What is it?" He asked cautiously.
Gil pulled out a manila envelope and handed it to him. Malcolm froze when he opened it igniting my protective instincts.
"They're The Surgeon's drawings." Malcolm said flipping through them.
"How did this guy get those?" I asked gently.
"I'll ask him." Malcolm said standing up and brushing passed me, out of the office.
I followed him without a second thought.
"Malcolm. Malcolm!" I called after him.
"What Lily? Don't think you can convice me not to go." He snapped turning to look at me.
"I couldn't stop you from walking out on me; I certainly don't think I can stop you from doing this. However, I can and am insisting that you're not going without me."
"Lily..." He started to protest.
"Do not start, Malcolm. It's non negotiable. Gil asked me here to be here for you. Where you go I go." I snapped.
He closed his eyes and sighed before nodding.
We drove to Claremont Psychiatric Hospital in silence. It was clear that what I'd said bothered him but I didn't regret it. I'd spent four years and nine months wondering what the hell happened. One day we were happy and the next he was gone and I was the one that had to live with that.
I parked outside the hospital but Malcolm stayed frozen in the passenger seat.
"It's not too late to turn back." I said gently.
Malcolm and I had our issues since he left but when it came to his father he had my unyeilding support.
He shook his head violently.
"I have to do this. He won't talk to anyone but me." He sighed nervously but filled with conviction.
"Let's go then."
Upstairs I surrendered my sidearm and followed Malcolm down the long hallway to the single cell at the end. I could practically feel Malcolm's heart racing when his eyes met mine as the guard unlocked the cell door. I could remember the pain he went through trying to decide to stop visiting his father before we started at Quantico. It took him months of sleepless nights to make the decision and even longer still to tell his father about it. It wasn't because he needed the visits with Dr. Whitly but because he knew his father needed them and he didn't want to disappoint him.
Back then I couldn't get him to let me come with him to his visits and now I could see why. Seeing that fear and pain on his face as the anticipation built ripped at my soul and tore my heart to shreds.
"I'm right here." I assured him quietly as the door opened. 
He nodded and visibly steeled himself before walking through the door ahead of me.
"Malcolm! My boy!" Dr. Martin Whitly exclaimed before his eyes caught mine.
"Who's your friend?"
"I'm Dr. Lilian Russell." I answered.
"Little Lily Russell?" He asked looking me up and down.
"I remember when you used to come over to the house to play with Malcolm and Ainsley."
"Dr. Whitly." Malcolm said drawing his attention away from me.
"You have a copycat."
"Well... Well, I'm flattered... and deeply concerned." He amended when Malcolm rolled his eyes.
"We found these in the apartment of a suspect. Do you know how he got them?" Malcolm asked handing him the drawings we'd found.
"Well, these are my drawings. They should be in that third book on the top shelf of that book case right there." He directed Malcolm to the book and turned back to look at me.
"You intrigue me." He tried to walk closer to me but his chains stopped him.
"You watch him as if you're gauging his emotional response to me. I expected you to watch me to make sure I don't get too close to him. Don't touch him. Whatever. You though... You're concerned about his mental health. It's nice to see you two are still so close." He smiled at me.
"Stop talking to her." Malcolm snapped.
I looked back over at him and the book he was holding with pages clearly ripped out.
"See? I was robbed. This is an outrage." His father exclaimed.
"Three women are dead." Malcolm reminded him.
"Yes. That's an outrage too. There can be multiple outrages."
"He must have been a patient." Malcolm muttered looking at me.
"Where are your patient files?"
"Over there." His father pointed to a stack of files on yet another bookcase.
Malcolm walked over and began sorting through the files. Eliminating the women, the men who were too old or too young before systematically working down the rest of the profile and continuing to eliminate men by race narrowing it down to two files.
"You know these men better than anyone in this room. Tell me who it is." He looked at his father.
"Oh, I don't know, Malcolm." He shook his head.
Malcolm tilted his head a little.
"You're afraid. Not of the police or the killer. You're afriad of me."
"You?" His father countered with a nervous laugh.
"It's obvious. Your breathing. The way you're holding your hands. How you're looking at the door. You're afraid I'm going to leave and this is it, and I'll never come back."
I watched Dr. Whitly's face as Malcolm spoke. There was genuine fear in his expression eclipsing his need to control his son.
"I'll give you this. Help me and I'll come back."
"Malcolm..." I said his name urgently.
"Trust me, Lily." He said gently.
His father walked closer to him and examined the files in his hands.
"Carter Berkhead. He had his heart attack whipping a woman in a sex dungeon." He said calmly.
"Thank you, Dr. Whitly."
Malcolm and I raced back to tell Gil what we'd learned.
"The Berkhead's are hosting a fundraiser at their home tonight. We need someone on the inside to monitor the guests and avoid any surprises so Bright and Powell can make the arrest." Gil said looking at me.
"I think I still have my invitation I was going to blow off." I sighed.
An hour later I was in the locker room struggling to zip up my deep purple floor length beaded off the shoulder dress.
"Lily?" Malcolm said my name from outside the door.
"Come in." I called back.
"Can you zip me up? I can't get it." I sighed as I heard his footsteps behind me.
"Of course." He answered quietly.
My breath caught in my chest when I felt his fingers brush against the bare skin of my back.
"You look stunning." He breathed.
"Thank you." I sighed looking at us in the floor length mirror.
I wanted so badly to lean back against his chest the way I'd done a million times before.
"I'm so sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry for everything."
"I know." I sighed turning around to place my hand on his chest.
"I bought you that ring." He mused touching the silver banded diamond and blue topaz ring on my right ring finger.
"Yes, you did."
"When did you start wearing it again?"
"I never stopped." I answered.
I could read the emotion in his face.
"Let's catch this son of a bitch." I smiled up at him.
He nodded.
"We can talk after." I sighed taking a step away from him.
"Be careful, Lily." He said taking my hand.
"I will. You be careful too." 
I mingled around Berkhead Manor scanning the crowd for Carter. I saw Malcolm and Dani arrive.
"Dr. Russell?" A female voice said behind me.
I turned to find a woman slightly taller than me with dark brown hair that I immediately recognized as Jessica Whitly, Malcolm's mother.
"Lily? It is you." She smiled at me.
"Hello, Mrs. Whitly." I smiled back at her.
"Oh, come now. We're both adults now. It's Jessica, please."
"Of course, Jessica. How are you?"
"I'm well. Have you seen Malcolm?" She asked,
"I have, yes." I nodded.
"You know that he was fired from the FBI?"
"I do."
"You're a psychiatrist, right?"
I nodded confused.
"I'm really worried about him and I don't know how to help him. I've never been very good at being there for him. How do I get him to talk to me?"
"The best thing I can tell you is to talk to him. Express to him that you want to be there for him. Remind him that you love him."
"What if he doesn't believe me?" She looked almost broken.
I'd never see this side of her and I was certain Malcolm hadn't either.
"Then you keep trying. You're his mom. He needs you."
"I know that there's no excuse for him leaving the way he did but I know he needs you too." She smiled touching my arm.
"Thank you, Jessica."
"Thank you."
Suddenly, this intense feeling of dread washed over me.
"Let me give you my personal number, in case you need anything." I said.
I pulled one of my cards out of my purse, my fingertips brushing against the cold metal of my firearm. I jotted down my cellphone number and handed it to her.
"I hate to run but I have something I have to attend to."
"Oh, of course. Thank you again, Lily."
After excusing myself from Jessica I allowed my intuiton to guide me up a back staircase to a wooden door.
"That's the thing Carter. I do. I do deserve The Surgeon's pain, because.... Because I'm his son." I heard Malcolm's voice admit through the door.
"My... My real name is Malcolm Whitly. I changed it because I wanted to get away from him."
I pulled my loaded pistol out of my purse and flipped the safety.
"See, I thought I was afraid of my father and everything he taught me, but really I was afraid of me." 
I pushed the door open silently and trained my pistol on Carter Berkhead. Malcolm knelt on the floor in front of him with the tip of a syringe pressed against his forearm.
"So, I betrayed him. I became a profiler and hunted down people like him. So, now's your chance, Carter. Now's your chance to kill me. His prodigal son." He said standing up in front if him.
"No. Bright, no." Dani said from where she lay on the floor.
"I'm willing to let go." Malcolm whispered.
I read the longing on his face as Carter reached forward to touch the syringe. I pulled the trigger.
It happened so quickly but also in slow motion. The bullet entered Carter's chest under his right arm and I could almost trace the trajectory through his right lung before lodging in his heart.
I pushed the rest of the way into the room and checked Carter's pulse. I looked up towards Malcolm to see him pull away from Dani's hand when she touched his chin and looking at her with an expression I could only describe as defeat.
"You weren't going to let him do that right? Right?" She asked him.
"Of course not. That'd be crazy." He answered 
"Come on, Dani. He'll be okay. I've got him." I assured her as Gil helped her up.
I didn't even see him come in.
I moved to replace Dani in front of Malcolm.
"Are you okay?" I asked gently touching his shoulder.
He nodded.
"Part of me really wanted him to kill me." He looked at me a tear falling from his eye.
"I know." I whispered wiping the tear off his face.
"Let me take you home, Malcolm."
"Yeah, okay."
Neither of us spoke during the drive to Malcolm's apartment. I put the car in park and turned to look at him.
"Malcolm?"
He turned to me and took my face in his hands pressing his lips to mine. I moaned involuntarily as he kissed me. I reached up and slid my fingers into his hair, drawing him closer to me as he kissed me harder.
"Malcolm. Malcolm wait." I gently pushed against him.
"What? What's wrong?" He asked breathlessly.
"We can't just jump back into this without talking about what happened. We've been apart four years, not four days." I sighed.
"Do you remember how it was before we started dating to begin with?"
He nodded looking at me.
"I've been having horrible night terrors and memories, I think." He admitted looking down at his hands.
"About your dad?" I asked.
He nodded again.
"There's this girl in a box... You studied the case files. Do you remember anything about them finding a body the night he was arrested?"
I shook my head. 
"That was years ago, Malcolm. Just because I don't remember doesn't mean it wasn't in there." I sighed.
"Could you get them again?"
"The case files? God, Malcolm. I don't know. Maybe."
"Please, Lily. Please you have to believe me. No one else ever believed me." He begged.
"I do. I do believe you, Malcolm." I gently ran my fingers through his hair. 
"I'll look into it, okay? I'll find the truth." I assured him.
He nodded.
"Go on up and get some rest. I'll call you if or when I find something."
"Okay. Yeah, okay." He sighed turning his face and kissing the inside of my wrist.
"Goodnight, Lily."
"Goodnight, Malcolm."
I watched him climb out of my car and walk into the building. I waited until I saw the light flip on in his apartment before driving away.
My heart pounded in my chest. I was never supposed to fall in love with Malcolm Whitly to begin with, then he left and it shattered me. Should I really fall in love with him again? Could I trust him again?