What if? An anthology

Life, again and again!

Have you felt like you were in Groundhog Day well I have well at least I think I have. It was the same thing that happened last year.
This is what happened in chronological order last year:

I meet Andy, Andy meets me.
Andy and I are friendly towards each other, we flirt.
I have an accident and or incident. He makes me laugh.
I go on holiday.
I return from holiday.
I apply for a position of Team Leader.
I get hurt, he breaks my heart in a million pieces.

I just fear the same thing is going to happen again, I'm getting anxious again at least I don't have to deal with being on jury service again. I keep on thinking maybe that's a good thing, oh I don't know. I'd like to be wrong but I don't know if I am or I will be. It's a strange feeling that I could be wrong, well it's the wanting to be wrong than rather be right.
I hate it, have you ever wanted to be wrong even though you were right all the time. It's the wanting not the needing, I didn't know what I was thinking but I was burning inside or should I say having been burnt. He broke me, he did as this was about him, Andy I mean. After all this time I still think about him and I shouldn't because I still have feelings for him. It's terrible and I hate it with a passion. I hate my feelings, why do us humans have to have emotions any way.

Why can't we just be robots and follow the bylaws?

1. A robot may not injure a human being or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

I guess that's what makes us human, living with heartbreak, betrayal, hurt and most of all love. I don't think a robot can love I could be wrong but I don't think I am.

16th September 2018

"Elle are you ok?" Claire asked me.
"Yes, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Of course I can what's wrong."
"Last year I applied for the position of Team Leader, I received an email from Andy on the eighteenth of September. The eighteenth was the first day of my jury service, I don't know how I'm feeling right now."
"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't know what to do."
"It's ok, I can talk to Andy if you like."
"I don't know, what do you suggest?"
"I think you two need to talk and before the assessments start again unless you might just get angry."
"You're right, you are."
"I'll set it up."

She left to set up a meeting, I didn't know what to say really I was scared mostly I have never really spoken to Andy on a business level before so it'll be strange just to start now. The last time we did was this time last year when I applied for Team Leader well that was for at least an hour and a half, until we had a break and Glenn asked those two questions.

"Lauren, you like wine don't you?"
"Yes, why ?"
"You have most evenings off this week."
"Yes, why?"
"That's great, you two can sort out a date for a night out now should we get back to our meeting."

I remember when he was asking those questions feeling anxious and nervous and trying to figure out whom he was talking about, Jimmy was married and Mark doesn't drink. He was never really interested in me anyway so I found out he was asking for Andy. I was waiting for at least a couple of months for him to say something he did not he was just very open about wanting to be around me, asking for me, making sexual remarks and most of all the staring. He once told me he liked me and kept on saying that he felt so alone watching a film on his own as he was a single dad. I just felt for him, I don't know anymore well at least I don't think so anyway, now I just pity him.
There's no reason why he can't have a girlfriend and honestly I don't even know why he even had to lie about it. I don't like being lied to, it's not just being nasty but being untruthful. It's not like I haven't lied myself everybody does it but it still hurts. I just don't understand why he even told me, it wasn't like I did anything wrong because I didn't. He just assumed I wrote the notes because I was jealous that he had a girlfriend, he was wrong I would never assume I would ask the right questions first.