Mingkit; To Begin Again

Eight

He gets butterflies anytime he looks at his direction, he wants to mingle with him like he has never wanted anything. Yet he retrains his needs and focuses on keeping a company. 

It has been a week since the incident on the graveyard and Ming has stayed at Kit's place. It feels comfortable and safe. 

Ming has woke up every night, to the same nightmare. Each time Kit has stroke his hair until he falls asleep again. Ming himself is unsure why he is letting all this happen. 

The last night was the last peak on his guilty heart. So as soon as the sunrise peeked between the curtains, he got up and gathered his stuff together.

"I need to go home today," Ming says as he stuffs his feet on a shoe. Kit hums confused, just waking up and looks at him. "I'm gonna be fine," Ming adds and smiles his usual dead smile on his direction. Kit shakes his head knowing it's a lie. But he can't stop him.

"Then just... call me whenever," Kit says and presses his lips shut, his instinct screaming at him. 

Ming nods and picks up his phone, yelling goodbye and steps outside. 

Last night...

Ming shakes his head trying to forget what he felt.

--

"Pleaseeee Ming! Come with me, Pha's out of town visiting his grandparents so he can't come with me," Wayo begs on his knees, wanting Ming's company for a shopping round. The school is continuing in few weeks and Wayo wants to buy new supplies. 

Ming growls annoyed and gets up, walking towards the door.

"What's taking so long? Let's go then," he yells back and goes outside.

The mall is filled with people as it's dinnertime. Wayo has visited too many stores but Ming has followed him as a supporting friend should. 

"I'm hungry," Wayo complains. Ming rolls his eyes. "I don't know how Pha has nerves with you," he mumbles and follows him to a noodle restaurant. 

"Oh Kit and Beam! Hey!" Wayo suddenly screams. Ming turns his gaze and sees Kit smiling at him. 

Ahh... no.. Ming turns away.

Too soon those two reach them. 

"You're gonna eat too? Can we join you two?" Beam asks, Wayo keeps nodding excited.

"Uhm.. I'm not really hungry," Ming says and get's stopped before he has an opportunity to escape. "Ya Ming, you told me you're hungry before we even got here," Wayo sends a deep concerned look on Ming's direction and at the same time his stomach confirms. 

They end up eating together. Everyone besides Ming keeps the conversation up.

His mind is wandering off once again. While Kit keeps staring at him and his presence makes him feel good, he feels bad. He feels bad for feeling good around him. He feels bad for feeling bad about feeling good. 

And so on. His mind is spiraling, everyone else finishes eating and Ming hasn't eaten a bite. 

"Ming, what's wrong?" Wayo asks and nudges him. "Huh?" leaves his mouth as he wakes up from his thought. He shakes his head. "Nothing."

Kit can't move his gaze away. He's worried. He's sick of worries. But this male in front of him keeps making it that way. 

"Where are you going now?" Beam asks. 

"Uhm.. home I think?" Wayo says unsure and checks Ming, who is now also staring at Kit. 

"Hello? The earth is calling!" Wayo says and both Ming and Kit turn on his way.

"Yeah home, I'll go.." Ming says and gets up, leaving the group behind. 

The friends stay seated, confused they look at each other and the back of Ming who's walking away, tears in his eyes.

Time for Ming to lock himself on the bathroom again.

---

Healing doesn't happen when you hold things too close to yourself. Things that keep reminding you of the past. How do you teach your heart to let go, how do you allow yourself to move on?

Ming needs help. He knows that when he wakes up from a cold bathroom floor and doesn't even know how long he has been there. His whole body hurts and he can't see clear. 

He thought he hit the rock bottom many times. But how does he find himself even deeper every time? With all his power he gets up to sit and takes his phone from the floor. 

55 missed calls. 

12 from mom. 10 from dad. 9 from Wayo. 24 from Kit. A deep sigh leaves his mouth.

He dials mom. 

"I'm fine, I just slept long... Yeah I've eaten.. Yeah I've showered. Tell dad too. Okay, yes, I love you too, bye."

Ming texts Wayo:'Sorry, my phone was missing, I'm fine.'

His phone rings. Kit's calling. Ming answers.

"Ming?! Are you there? I'm behind your door, come open!" Kit screams to the phone. Ming closes his eyes. 

"Kit.. I can't move. The key is under the flowerpot," Ming whispers back and his phone drops. 

It's been 30 hours. He has laid there 30 hours. Yet he doesn't feel well rested at all. It's the opposite. He's more tired than he has ever been.

Kit is searching the house and finally finds Ming from the bathroom, leaning against the wall.

"Ming, what the fuck?" he says in a shock, seeing his pale face. He grabs a mug, fills it with water and pours it inside Ming's mouth. "For god's sake Ming, what are you doing? Answer me," Kit says and holds Ming's face. 

"I.. I don't know what happened, I truly don't... I, I'm so tired Kit.." Ming mumbles and looks at Kit's eyes, shaking his head. 

"Ming I don't know what else to do anymore, I'm afraid you'll kill yourself at this rate," Kit says with a shaky voice and dials 911. Ming keeps shaking his head.

"I'll live Kit, please.. I'll live, I'm fine," Ming begs as he sees him calling. 

"I need an ambulance, I just found my friend from a bathroom all messed up.. I think he has been here since yesterday.. I believe he's danger to himself," Kit says, his heart aching as he says those words. 

Ming closes his eyes as he hears him talk. He gives up and leans against Kit. He's right.

In the end they both know it's the right thing to do. No matter how much Ming hates hospitals and how much better Kit makes him feel. There's only so much someone can help.