ON HOLD The perks of being a Hafizah

Pasta!

Assalamualykum YA ikhwatees,

Hope you are enjoying the book in Sha allah! I just wanted to point out that in some more recent chapters I might have called Rahim, Amatullah's brother, Abu Bakr. This is of course a very aweful mistake and shall come to changing it! The reason for this was because of a Wattpad book I was reading by beloved sister almuhajabah where the brother was called Abu Bakr!
Please do forgive me as I am only human and make aweful mistakes!
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بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم......

Amatullah's POV

"AMATULLAH" the voice was fast approaching and before I could figure out where the sound had come from a car parked almost instantaneously in the very space the moulanas car was seated.
Through the car window, I had made out the beautiful face of my mother who glanced at me smiling.
She wound down the window
"Amatullah! Come one sweety"
Despite the awful shock I was put in, i began to pull each piece of myself that sat on the ground and began to walk towards my mothers car.
"Amatullah"
I know I was walking slow but patience YA ummi!
"Yeah I'm coming" I walked faster to the passenger seat.
"Amatullah"
A voice behind spoke, too hoarse and too manly to be a womans.
I turned around to see Yahya, twiddling his hands and staring at the ground.
YA allah what was he doing here?
"Not now" I said slowly and calmly in an attempt not to sound harsh.
I turned around and sat into my mothers car.
YA Allah! My mind races with thoughts all spurring into images of self destruction, images that just made me regret every second I took to say that to Yahya.
As my mom began to reverse back, I caught sight of Yahya who's eyes were still rooted to the ground and stood in the very same space where I had left him.
It's my fault; stupid Amatullah.
*
The car halted at the driveway of my humble abode, specifically a humble abode because of how tired and drained out I had felt from masjid and the aweful realisation of exams in one month.
My mind fazed off as i sluggishly walked into the dinner table and reached for the pasta bowl.
"How are you Amatullah?" Mom sat right opposite me on the table searching my blank face for answers.
"I'm fine alhamdulilah" I poured some pasta into the bowl that was in front of me and took out a bowl and poured some more out for Rahim.
"For Rahim" my mother uttered.
"Yep" I picked up a plate and covered the pasta by placing a plate on top.
"What's the point of that Amatullah?"
"You are not supposed to leave food uncovered" I looked up at my mother who ignored my very words.
The front door jolted open and a jingling of keys echoed the hall.
"ASSALAMUALAYKUM YA CARBON LIFE FORMS" Rahimshouted on top of his lungs while walking into the kitchen.
"Hey sweety have some pasta" she pointed at the pasta bowl which Rahim looked.
"Oh no I'm okay mummy" he patted his non existent stomach and began to walk away into his room.
"Rahim! Now!" Rahim turned out to my mothers stern response and rolled his eyes. And sat besides me.
"Astagfirullah" I whispered to him.
"For what?" He looked at me searchingly.
"For rolling your eyes" He rolled his eyes at me again and began eating.
Silence flooded the kitchen table, sharp sounds of forks scraping the bowls echoes the marbled kitchen as each of us concentrates on their food.
"Amatullah, you know how I had told you about the fact that I have to go for a few weeks....well urm in a few weeks" mothers voice shook out of the very idea of leaving me behind.

"Yeah about that mum?" Rahin entered into the conversation.

"You will be in university by them anyway Rahim, at campus but Amatullah, I had organised with Aunty Sab'aa that she will be more than happy for you to be a guest at her house." Ummi's voice shook again yet she began to hold the flood of emotion that begged to be released.

And mother wasn't the only emotional one.....

"What!" Rahim spoke fiercely.

"At Yahya's house?" He placed his fork back into his bowl forcefully and stared at Ummi

"Yahya.? Which ones...oh yes yes" Ummi continued to attend to her pasta to detach herself from her existing emotional state.

Rahim turned towards me, half painted with assurance and another half painted with shock, his mix of emotions making it hard to realise whether he totally agreed or disagreed.

"That's okay Ummi" I said slowly, registering whether I really did mean what I had said.

Did I want to stay in the same house
As Yahya?

Did I want to be a burden for a family?

Part of my mind wanted to reassure my mother with the sayings of Allah on her reason for leaving yet the other part knew she would reject my message and there was no point reassuring her openly.

And being the stupid overthinker I was, I sat, attending my pasta, planting into my brains the words I wish I could give to my mother on deen.

May Allah swt guide her towards the straight Path.