Changed

Boulders

Stevie's pov

You know that popular saying "when life throws you lemons you make lemonade?"
Yeah! I hate it! Always have.
Why? Because life is a female dog and life sucks!

The truth was;
"when life throws you boulders...... you get hit! And you probably die! But that's life so you suck it up!" now that was a saying that made more sense!.

Why am I in such a bad mood you might ask. I'm actually not in a bad mood. Generally, this is how I am... Or how life made me.

First of all, my name is Stevie. If you stare at the name long enough, it starts getting weird. It's like my parents wanted a boy and they had planned to name it Steve, but then life threw boulders at them and made me a girl. They probably couldn't think of anything better, so they feminised the name a little and called me Stevie! Cool right?
Yeah I don't think so too.

See life started throwing boulders at me from the day I was born. The second came when I was thirteen. I found out my mom had been diagnosed with cancer and because it was discovered at a late stage, she had less than 8 months to live.

Freaking sad I know.

I mean it just had to be my mother! She was my go to girl. We did everything together! And when I heard the news about her illness, my world ended.

On May 31st 2013, my mother died. I was at her side when she left. Weeks into her chemotherapy, she had stopped looking like herself and she was forgetting a lot of things. It was depressing to even watch. And then, one day, she just... Died! Just like that.
I became depressed after that. And I don't mean depressed as in a metaphor. I mean depressed as in depressed.
My dad would always describe me to his friends that came visiting as cold, always eerily silent, somewhat harsh, and a woman of few words.

Somewhat harsh? There was no need to sugar coat it!

Honestly, I stopped talking. I stopped joking. I stopped living.
My life became pretty empty and it drew into one big blur. My dad was literally so scared of me and what he thought I was going to do to myself.
He gave me everything he thought I wanted. I was going to a perfect school where people didn't judge me for being me. Well, that was probably because my father was a major contributor to the school and was part of the board members. So stupid.
I had a perfect car, I had all the latest gadgets, I travelled whenever I wanted to, My grades in school were perfect, and I most of all, had peace and quiet! In my own space!
But in utter truth, my life was far from perfect. Denying it was no use.

My father concluded that shutting people out was a way of me handling my mother's death, and eventually, it would fade away.
5 years later and I was even more into my enclosed shell.

I talked to my dad like 2 hours approximately in a whole week and I came out of my room only when I needed to. My father had forcefully taken me to a therapist which was a total waste of money, he had made me join a support group comprising of people who had lost someone to cancer.

Truly, I found it stupid! Talking about it wasn't going to bring them back! It only increased the sorrow of not being able to see them again. Ever!

At some point, I think my dad gave up. To be honest, I don't know how he was coping with the death of his wife. I didn't bother to ask because it kinda wasn't my business. As far as he didn't commit suicide, I was fine.

Most of the time, I was inside my room. I read books in my room, listened to cool jams, slept obviously, ate in my room always, except Sundays where I had to eat at the table with my dad. (You can say we had minimal conversation).
I also stayed in my room when I needed to....... Uhm.... To cry. From how much I missed my mom. She didn't deserve to die like that. I still had a lot to learn from her, but she just left me!
Now? Now I was a sad mess.