I felt that ladder sway as I was shaken from my thoughts, and I started to climb back up. I was not ready for the sight that met my eyes on deck, though.
Kai was standing in the middle, his head hung low. It took me a second to realize that he was crying. Kai, crying? Whoa, that really must have shaken him. Zane was standing by his side, offering warm hugs and comforting words. But once I saw his face, I realized that he had tears streaming down his face too. Could nindroids cry? I guess they could. Then, I looked to the face that I wanted to see, but didn't at the same time. Nya. She was standing next to the wheel, staring down at her hands with horror, wondering what she had done. She looked up towards me. I looked at her. Water started to fill her eyes, and she ran inside.
I looked around me, and saw the people we rescued, the NGTV news crew. I looked at their eyes, filled with anger. Who are they angry with? I wondered. At themselves, or at someone else? I took a few steps away from the main deck, and turned and stared out the the open sky. And then it hit me. They were mad at me. Mad that Cole had fallen instead of me. This was too much. The negative thoughts filled my head once again and I felt my eyes growing moist. Not wanting to break down in front of everyone, I sprinted inside the Bounty, and didn't stop until I reached our shared bedroom.I slammed the door shut as I entered and collapsed against the door, the tears now falling freely.
It should have been me, I thought as I put my head in between my knees and sobbed. I should have been the one to fall. I'm the worst one, the weak one, the least valuable Ninja. Then I realized that that what I had called Cole during the Tournament of Elements. My heart felt empty and my body went limp as the sorrow took over.
I heard someone knock the door, and Zane's voice reached my ears.
"Jay, are you all right?"
I didn't respond, as my throat was too choked up.
"Jay? Are you in there? Please open the door."
I couldn't though, I really couldn't. I didn't want anyone to see me, didn't want to give people another reason to call me a loser. So I just sat there, hoping he would leave. I felt me phone buzz in my pocket, and took it out to see a text from Zane.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I leaned back against the door as he heard Zane's footsteps move further and further away. My eyes had finally run out of tears, but the sadness didn't go away. I sat there and closed my eyes, remembering everything about Cole. I remembered his face, his voice, his cooking. All the memories came flooding back and I found my self collapsing on the inside, falling into the void of pain and sorrow, with only one thought flowing through my mind.
Okay, this is officially the saddest thing I've ever written. I'm legit sobbing. Like, ugly cry sobbing. It kills me to see my bean so sad. I hate myself for writing this, but the show must go on....right?
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a tub of ice cream and a blanket waiting for me to drown my sorrows in.
