The Fantastical Shop of Lifelike Wonders

This house of depravity...

A storm of yellow stars flew from the fairy godmother's wand.

The rat and the four naked men leaped to the side, and the stars smashed into the ground, sending chunks of mud and grass into the air.

"Asshole ninjas," the fairy godmother cursed, waving her wand at the men. Men who were turtles until five seconds ago. The turtles I had been feeding and talking to for years.

"Stop it," I yelled, grabbing her arm. "Those are my turtle friends...I think?"

"Give off me!" she cried as we wrestled for her wand. "This is all for your thirsty ass! Woodchip is here to steal your dildo men and then I'll never make it to the party."

"None of that makes sense!" I snapped.

"Leave Master Woodchip alone!" a man ordered. I froze with one hand in fairy godmother's beehive hair and one reaching for her wand.

The man was naked except for the blue bandana around his neck—the bandana I had tied around Leo the turtle so I could tell him apart from the others. His dark hair was cut short on the sides and his lush, soft mouth was pressed into a frown. I gazed at his six-pack abs and strong, thick thighs.

"You should have shifted sooner," I said. "This is a better look."

He flushed and I chuckled.

"A curse prevented us from returning to human form," Leo said. "Until I wished on a star and our fairy godrat, Master Woodchip, arrived."

Ralph, with the red bandana, wore a scowl among a scruff of brown hair that made him look dangerous and wild. "We're here to rescue you from these men." He gestured to the former dildos standing in my house's doorway.

"Why?" I said. "They're harmless."

"You see?" the fairy godmother added. "They're here to undo my work."

"We are here to right many wrongs," Master Woodchip said in a serene voice.

Fairy godmother made a face." Blah, blah, blah," she said in a mocking voice. She then shoved me off her and I yanked my hand free from her hair.

Leo blinked as though confused. "Of course, you need to be saved from these men. You're ours, you're our fated mate. You're our April."

"My name is June," I said.

"But...everyone who comes to the shop calls you April."

"Well, yeah, you didn't think I'd use my real name to sell dildos? I don't want to get banned from the town."

The four men blinked at me, just like they did when they were turtles waiting for snacks. I guess some things never changed.

"I'm so confused," Tom said behind me.

"Yeah, me too," I said.

"It's easy. We're here to please this sexy woman," Drag, the former dildo, explained. "These four dudes and their rat want to take her away from us. But I think the lady should get to choose, and she wished for us, not for turtle shifters. So, let's throw these assholes off her property." He cracked his knuckles and stepped out on the lawn.

"Let's do this," Ralph said. He and his three friends leaped into fighting stances. I gulped, they looked like they knew what they were doing.

"Where's my stunt double? I can't do ninja moves," Tom said.

"I got this," fairy godmother said, stepping forward with her wand raised. Her beehive hair flopped to one side and she pushed it back into place.

"Stop—" I started, but it was too late. The four former turtles sprang at fairy godmother and my dildo-men.