The Fantastical Shop of Lifelike Wonders

Sex toy extravaganza

I looked at the seven toweled men, the fairy godmother, and the rat man sitting in my shop. Dildos were strewn on the floor from the collapsed shelves.

"Okay...let's start," I took a deep calming breath. "Who the hell are you people?"

"Why is everyone so inappropriate and unmannerly?" Rumple added.

"Says the guy holding a sparkly purple dildo," Drag drawled.

Rumple glanced at the dildo in his fist and startled, tossing it to the floor as though it were a bug.

"I was using it cover myself. I didn't know where to put it afterward."

I glanced at Rumple's towel. It didn't tent so he was telling the truth.

"Um...so this isn't a movie set?" Tom said, pushing a lock of long black hair behind his ear.

"What's a movie?" I said. "Is it like the self-thrusting dildos I make?"

Tom blinked, his mouth opened and closed. "Holy fuck, I've lost it." He dropped his face into his hands and sobbed.

I shrugged. I had my own sanity to worry about first. I turned to the four men who used to be turtles before their fairy godrat arrived. "You four are..."

"You know us," Leo said His lush, soft mouth was pressed into a frown. "You fed us, gave us these bandannas, told us your deepest secrets."

"That's when you were snapping turtles. I don't know who you are as men." I glanced to my fairy godmother for help.

She rolled up one billowing sleeve and reached her hand into the jug of rum to fish out the orange sitting on the bottom.

I rolled my eyes. "Why don't you magic yourself a drink?"

"Because I shouldn't have to."

"She cannot create consumables," Woodchip said.

Godmother glared at him.

Huh, so there were limits to magic.

Donnie the former turtle leaned toward me, making his towel slip off his lap. Drag smirked. I tried not to stare at his cock.

"You're the queen of the turtle shifters and the only one who can help us defeat the evil Brang," Donnie said.

"The what now?"

"The evil organization that's taking over the world."

"Oh, I don't listen to the town crier." I waved his remark away. "Not since he started singing the news."

Donnie and Leo's mouths fell open.

"Anyway, I'm not a turtle queen," I said. "I'm not even a turtle shifter."

"You are, you just don't know it," Woodchip said in his serene voice.

"His only power is turning people into turtles and turtles into people," fairy godmother said, peeling the orange. She tossed a piece of peel at Woodchip's nose, and he flinched as it booped his rat snoot.

"That's a dumb power," I said. "I don't want to be a turtle."

"She can't use her dildos if she's a turtle," godmother said.

"They're for customers!"

"Sure, they are." She popped a slice of rum covered orange into her mouth.

I took a deep breath. I had to stay focus and make sense of this situation. "Okay, so you four want me to be your girlfriend and fight evil. And you three," I turned back to my dildo men "Are—"