The Fantastical Shop of Lifelike Wonders

Bibbity bobbity glitter ass and fancy pants."

"None of you look presentable for a party," fairy godmother said. "Time to fix that. You," she pointed at Mike, the former turtle, now the man armed with two dildos. "Wish for fancy clothing."

"I want to look pretty," he said. "Everyone should be pretty."

"Close enough." Fairy godmother waved her star-topped wand. "Bibbity bobbity glitter ass and fancy pants."

"The fuck does that mean?" I said.

A flash of light filled the room, blinding me. It passed a second later, and I blinked my vision clear, then blinked again in surprise.

Mike wore an orange kilt with a green tailcoat. His shock of red hair was neatly combed.

"Hmmm, not bad," I said looking him over. I always liked a man in a kilt. "Is it true about what's underneath that skirt?"

"What?" he said, blinking.

I sighed and turned to the others. The men were fully clothed, which was almost a disappointment. Almost because they looked so damn good in tuxedos. Leo's cuffs and tie were the same blue as the bandana I had given him, while Ralph's tux was trimmed in red, and Donnie's in purple.

Tom stared down at his green and black tux and heaved a sigh. "It's just missing the horned helmet."

Unlike the others, Drag didn't don a suit. He wore tight leather pants and a fitted black coat with brass buttons. He looked just like the pirate he claimed to be.

"Now this is better," Rumple said, adjusting his gold cufflinks. "This is what someone of my station deserves."

I glanced at his cock. Its outline didn't grow inside his tight pants. So, he really believed his bullshit then.

As for me, my dusty work clothes had been replaced with a floofy pink dress. Its bottom hem was lined with turtles and dildos.

"Really?" I said. "Is this because I'm not happy with your magic yet?"

"It suits you," fairy godmother said with a smirk. She patted her beehive hair back into place.

I sighed and looked around. "Where are my towels?"

"She cannot create from nothing," Woodchip said in his serene voice. "The clothing came from somewhere else."

"Traded the towels for them, yes," fairy godmother said.

My mouth fell open. "Those are my good towels! I need those!"

"Towels for tuxs is a good trade."

"I need the towels more. I don't the men in clothes, but I need something to dry my hair with."

Fairy godmother shrugged.

Through all of this, Woodchip, the rat-man had remained seated. Now, he stood and placed his paws on my bare shoulders. I stared up into his beady dark eyes that filled with a compassion deeper than the Poker, my longest dildo model.

"Before you go," he said in his calm voice, "I have a gift to bestow upon you—"

"Ah, hell no," fairy godmother said. "Don't you drop your turtle magic bullshit on my client." She raised her wand, and in one swift movement, Woodchip roundhouse kicked it from her hand. It flew across the room and landed at Rumple's feet.

"Oh, it's fucking on," fairy godmother said.

"You have no weapons. Stand down," Woodchip said.

Fairy godmother patted her beehive again, except this time, her fingers slipped into the wall of hair and she yanked out a ninja star, throwing it at Woodchip.