Beyond The Scars (Rewriting As FINDING HER PACK)

Chapter 8

I thought the divorce will do me good, I thought it will make me accept the reality, I thought it would make it easier for me to move on from him, but I was deadly wrong. I don't think I have ever been this sad and depressed in my life, it was even better when I went to sleep on an empty stomach because we did not have anything to eat, it was better when I cuddled against my mom during the cold night because it was the only source of heat I had, it was better when we slept in the streets because the landlord had evicted us since we didn't pay his rent. It was better then because I had not put my heart on the line.

I had moved back with my mom, she was the company I needed at the moment. I couldn't stay alone, I did trust my instinct and broken heart, it could make me do something foolish. For the past two months, all I did was stay in my room the whole day in my robe, I don't even remember the when was the last I had properly worn proper clothes. If I didn't open the windows, I loved the darkness that flooded my room even during the day, it reflected the dark part that my heart was in so perfectly. But then my mom always insists on opening them. Food was the last thing on my mind, I was rarely hungry but my mom would force me to eat-. She wouldn't let her daughter starve because of an ungrateful son of a bitch. Her words, not mine.

I was in my room taking big bites of the pillow synthesizers with how can you mend a broken heart by Al green playing on the track.

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?

My door burst open and Sally, my bestfriend made her way in.

'I am so fucken tired of this,' she shouted. She opened the curtains and the window and light flooded in together with some cool breeze. I groaned and turned the other way to prevent the light from the window from blinding me.

'I know it's been hard for you but it's fucken two months and I am not going to allow you to continue with this nuisance, you better than this,' she said walking around my room, 'And this isn't someone like you should be playing,' she turned off the music and a few minutes the music was on, 'But this,' Titanium, by David Guetta was playing.

When I get back, you should be done with your hygiene process, we going to chill by the pool and have some fun. Get that pale skin tanned a little before we make the first public appearance and show that your life didn't revolve around him. The more you are moping around, the more power he will have over you. Rise and shine, baby,' with that she left the room.

I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the bathroom unwillingly. Sally can be a pain in the ass. If she comes back and sees me not done yet, she will obviously make me do it the harder way. I took a lazy bath, went through my things looking for sunscreen but didn't have any, not a problem I will just use Sally's. I just go into the first bikini I ran into, which was black. Good, because it was perfect for my mood right now. I wrapped a bikini cover around my waist then made my way out. I bumped into Sally by the door and he pulled me back into my room.

'No, not black for today. We over the moaning period,' I couldn't argue with her, I was too tired for that so I let her go through my closet and she came back with a red bikini. Red, like seriously, red?

'You are kidding right?' I said as I eyed the piece.

'No, you going to get into this or I am going to make you,' she said handing me the bikini, 'Now change,'

I took it and wore it whilst cursing her inside. I really hated this girl at this time.

'Fuck, you so sexy,' she said checking me out as if she is a lesbian, but she couldn't fool me, that girl loved a d*ck too much and she would never settle for a pussy, 'Turn around,' she ordered and I did as I rolled my eyes. 'Just look at this,' she said and smacked my ass.

'Aaaagh Salama,' I screamed and turned to face her and almost hit her because her little stunt had pissed me off.

'Wooo, easy tigress, just tryna cheer you up,'

'Let's just get going before I knock you out in here cause you seriously getting on my nerves,'

'Okay, okay, let's just do as you wish,' she said and pulled me out of my room.

My eyes twitched at the sight of the bright star. It has been a long time since I had exposed myself to much light and my eyes ached a little. I felt the rays hit my skin making it a bit itchy but I wasn't complaining. Salama jumped into the water screaming making the water splash into my face. It caught me by surprise and I hold breathe and before I could release it, someone pushed me and I was in the pool. I screamed my lungs out as I made an impact with the water.

'Mom,' I screamed at my mom who stood had just jumped into the pool too.

'What?' she asked pretending to be innocent. Sally was at the other end of the pool laughing. I reached for the water ball and threw it at my mother's face.

'Gotcha,' I said and she tried to hit back but I ducked and it hit the laughing Sally behind me. 'Ouch,' she screamed and I burst into sudden laughter. It turned into a game and I was getting more hits than anybody. It was fun, for the first time in three months I laughed, a good generous laugh. My heartfelt at ease. After about half an hour we were all tired so we got out of the pool, applied some sunscreen and settled for the sunbeds by the pool.

*-*-*

I spent the whole day with my mom and Sally and it was total bliss. We ran after each other around the poor, we discussed from fashion -and thankfully no one mentioned Daniel though he was one of the biggest fashion icons to recipes which we tried later on as we cooked a storm for dinner in the kitchen. We had dinner together before Sally left. Mom and I chatted before she retired to bed and I did too. Just as I entered my room, the darkness shadowed over me. My heart dropped into my stomach. I felt like a train had run over my emotions all over again. Reality hit me again, I use to share my life with someone but now I was alone. I turned on my mp3 player on and laid back in my bed expecting my heartbreak playlist to play hoping that Sean Mendes, stitches would come first

You shout it out
But I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up

I groaned as the sound of David Guetta flooded my room. I had forgotten that Sally had removed my memory card and replaced it with this. The song that was playing wasn't something that I wanted to hear, my heart was too tinted to let my mind think positively but I was too tired to get off my bed and change it, not to mention lazy so I decided to ignore it till sleep overcame me. I woke up the following morning, get off my bed and stood by my dressing table looking at my reflection in the mirror. I saw someone I couldn't recognize, someone broken and miserable. This was definitely not me and this wasn't the person my mom raised me to be.

I'm bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium

The music from last night continued to play and it started to sink in.

The harsh childhood had turned me into a tough person even at an earlier stage and my mom shaped me into an even stronger person, unbreakable just like titanium, not allow circumstances erode your happiness just like how titanium resists corrosion, and to keep shinning in the darkest parts of the alley.

And Sally was right, I shouldn't put my life on hold because of an ungrateful idiot who cares about no one else but himself. I was going to give him power over me. I had to put an end to this let this heartache be as my teacher and the reason to keep seeking one who can hear the playful calling of their own soul.

'You are Natacha Cheboi and you are invincible,' I said to the person in the mirror

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