Monster

~*~ Chapter 9 - Broken Trust ~*~

I went to bed that night in my own room, despite Patton's protests. Yes, I felt safe around him, but I also felt smothered by his constant concern. I was not some fragile breakable glass flower that was going to shatter the minute he took his eyes off me. I had apparently survived five years on my own, I could survive one night.

Curling into my nest of covers, I found a comfortable spot for me to sleep and closed my eyes. It was nice to be able to finally sleep on my own terms, but I didn't know what shadows might lurk in the depths of my mind. I wouldn't try to dwell on that. I was safe here. Right? The shadows had always come for me when I felt vulnerable and alone. I felt vulnerable, but I knew I wasn't alone. All I had to do was yell and Patton would be by my side.

With that comforting thought, sleep came much quicker than I expected. Comforting darkness surrounded me, swirls of colors and incomprehensible flashes passed by my closed eyes. Then something began to solidify. Was it a thought, a dream? No, a memory.

*Memory*

I sat alone in my room, everything that had once been on the shelves was tossed aside on the ground. Posters that once hung happily on my wall were torn out of anger and my hands shook as if needing some form of release. Why was I so angry? It was that snake. It was always that snake's fault. I wanted to shout and scream and yell, but the others were home. Patton wouldn't approve of such a violent outburst over something so trivial, but it wasn't trivial to me. They always thought it was trivial, so I hid it away, but it built and it built and it built!

I had no proper release for my anger, so it gave way to sadness. Had I been nothing more than a cute toy for Patton? Now that I was older and bigger did he no longer care about having me in his family? I curled up on my bed, touching the necklace on my neck. My fingers clutched the moon pendant until my knuckles grew white. I had always known I was disposable and replaceable. I knew I was just a thing, that I wasn't wanted but I had allowed myself to think that Patton was different. I had foolishly believed that he wouldn't throw me away, but that snake came in, and all of that trust we had built together. And what about Roman?

Had his sweet words all just been a lie? Did I fall for his fake sincerity just to be cast aside when I wasn't entertaining? I was too tired to be mad. My heart ached. I couldn't hold back the tears. Roman had looked so happy with Deceit; the way he blushed as Deceit complimented him truly had shown me that he was an angel. How could I compare to that? I was just a monster.

There was a gentle knock on my door, "Virgil," It was that snake, trying to act sweet and innocent. My anger resurfaced.

"What do you want snake?" I asked, barely opening the door. My voice was not kind in the slightest.

"Virgil!" It felt as if my blood had been replaced with ice water as I opened the door further and saw Patton standing there. His face didn't show anger, just disappointment. "I know you don't trust new people, but that's no excuse to be rude."

Patton had a comforting hand on Deceit's shoulder. I couldn't, how did they not see it? He was a liar.

"We just wanted to invite you down for dinner, now how about you try that again."

I hesitated, but I wasn't going to let myself be beaten into submission. "No."

"What?" I could see the surprise on Patton's face.

"I said no! I'm not going to fall for the traps of this snake-like the rest of you obviously seem to be doing."

"Virgil..." No, stop looking at me with those disappointed eyes. I'm not the bad guy here. I did nothing wrong. I'm just trying to protect my family. "If that's how you feel, you can eat dinner alone."

Patton turned to leave and I could feel my hand shaking. I didn't want to be alone right now. I wanted Patton to reassure me that he believed me. I wanted Roman to tell me I was still his. Slamming my door I slowly slid down it. I couldn't show weakness, I couldn't let them see me cry. I should have remembered, kindness was a lie.

One hand tangled in my hair, the other gripping my pendant once again. I knew better than to let these thoughts get to me. I was stronger than this. Logan would remind me the thoughts were illogical, Princey would remind me of all the reasons they were untrue and Patton... would Patton even care now that he had Deceit to take care of? I choked on the air I was supposed to be breathing. For the first time in a long time, I was dealing with these emotions alone. The place didn't feel like home. I needed to get out.

Shakily standing up, I went to my window and climbed out. I hadn't known it then, but that was the first of many times I would go out on my own.

As memories went once again swimming by I could feel small threads connection me to bits and pieces that barely lingered. I could feel that things were getting worse until my mind settled comfortably on a new memory, crystal in its clarity.

Deceit was screaming and there was blood on my nails. What had I done? There were thunderous steps coming down the stairs. What had I done? Someone was by Deceit's side. Someone was touching my shoulder.

"What have you done?"

I turned to look at the voice and saw Patton's face twisted in anger. I thought the disappointment was worse but I had never really seen Patton's anger.

"I... I..." was that my voice? Why did it sound so rough? I took a step back, guided by an invisible force, a need to escape. I turned to run. I had to escape. I had to get out of here. My bare feet hit the pavement, the sound echoing as I ran until my lungs gave out on me. 'Not wanted. Not Needed.' The thoughts echoed in my head, that wasn't true. I knew that wasn't true. I just needed time to think. I just needed to gather my thoughts.

"Oh well, aren't you pretty?" Two hands grabbed me and I looked up into a pair of malicious eyes. "A Neko like you will fetch a hefty price." This was bad. I had to fight, but before I could, I felt electricity go through my veins. "Now, now, can't have you running away." The world began to fade to darkness. I wanted to struggle, wanted to fight, wanted to escape, but I couldn't move.

AN: Hey y'all! This chapter and next chapter are a bit heavy, I know, but I promise Chapter 11 will have some lighter material in it so, bear with me! What part have you all enjoyed the most so far? And what would you like to see more of? 

I really want to thank all of you for reading my story. I love and appreciate all of you.

~Untypica