Until I See You Again ... (A CanEm Story)

Umut

And suddenly she was gone.

Gone from Istanbul.

Gone from his life.

As if she had never existed

She had just left him there, lost among busy travellers. Her "hoşçakal" was still echoing in his ears, crushing down his heart a bit more than it already was.

He stayed at the same spot for a long while. He forgot time. He forgot why he had come back to Istanbul. He could not move forward yet.

"Well, vallah bravo Can Bey! You've outdone yourself! You've really fucked up big time! Tebrik ederim!"

He'd lost her. That was the only coherent thought he was capable of.

He had lost her.

He had fucking lost her.

His mind could not process anything else. It took him a long time to gather his spirits and start walking towards the exit of the airport.

He finally found his truck and drove home.

The next day, he went to the agency and locked himself in his office.

Emre noticed soon enough his big brother sulking.

"What's up abi?"

"I've lost her Emre!" his eyes burning with a barely contained anger, while his nostrils flared and his lower lip trembled.

"Are you talking about Sanem? Why do you say that you've lost her? I mean ... you were the one who broke it off with her. You left her Can! What did you expect? Did you really think that she would wait up for you to come back?" said Emre with a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"Sanem is no Pollen. She expects full commitment. She won't settle for less. She shouldn't have to. And you shouldn't have to either", Emre snapped.

Can was now blazing. His younger brother's fair words adding fuel to the rage that was consuming him. He was right of course.

"Yeah, well don't worry Emre, she has flown to Rome with the creep. And I got the message loud and clear! She doesn't want me in her life. She's gone to Rome. That's it."

"Abi ..."

"Yeter artık Emre! Enough! I don't want to talk about it anymore, ok? Please?" begged Can.

Emre had never seen his older brother that devastated before. His hands were shaking, his voice cracking, biting his lips in a punitive way.

"Tamam, tamam, sen istersen abi. I'll be around if you need anything, okay?"

"Thanks, oğlum."

Can had no other choice than to immerse himself into work. He was still running the creative side at Fikri Harika along Deren and simultaneously compiling the pictures he'd taken in the Balkans into a sort of album.

Once in a while he would take out a book from the inside pocket of his jacket. The corners of the cover were damaged and the binding heavily creased by too many readings. He could recite whole passages by heart now. He was so proud of her and so ashamed of himself at the same time. He had inspired her some of the most beautiful moments of her young life; the hardest ones too. He ought to feel forever the pain her writing carried.

True to his word, he never tried to contact Sanem after their meeting at the airport. It was extremely difficult for him, excruciating at times but he was determined to respect her wishes.

He never had imagined it to be that hard to be at the agency without her, as if he was not able to enjoy his freedom as he used to, being without the only person that really mattered to him. He couldn't help wonder where she was and what she was doing as he was reviewing hundreds of photos.