heartbroken: a compilation

At Length

Him versus you

I wanted him to save me

but he's the one that left me

I wanted you to love me

but you're the one that didn't

I wanted him to hold me from destruction

but he was the one who was the tsunami

I wanted you to fix the damage he made

instead you made your own holes

I wanted you both to help me

but you both destroyed me

he was toxic, abusive, manipulative 

he was mean and hurtful, and only thought of himself

Yet you were different, 

and you did nothing nor 

lend a hand

You were kind, and loyal

yet you still didn't have the space for me

I wanted you both to love me

since I couldn't love myself

instead you both made me realize

that I was unlovable

he was pain

you were distance

he was obsessive and stalking

you were invisible and ghosting

He broke me,

you spoke soft words to hold me together

he bruised me,

took my body

yet you were gentle 

with light touches on the scars

he always stayed,

making sure his presence made me jump at every corner

you left without a word,

and I can't decide which one hurt most

there are different ways of hurting someone

and you both managed to it,

in two different ways

Curiosity

Oh how I want to know what makes you

grunt and groan

but I am so very afraid

I want to know what makes you laugh

but I can never be your smile, 

your joy

I want to know the groggy you,

the drunk you,

the high you,

but I will never be a part of your life

Oh,

how I want to know 

what makes you tick

what slow movements make your eyes widen 

and your breath shake.

I want to know what makes your body respond

you mind engage

and you heart love

but I will never be the one

For how I want you

I can't express enough

and even if I could

you would never want me

I watch from a far, 

how others make you smile

how they make you laugh

My heart flutters at each lip twitch 

each breathy laughter

But I keep my distance

because I am not what you want

you don't even know what you want