『like im dreaming』- SoraMafu OneShots

Forget It [A&F]

*Soraru POV

2015
Mafumafu-san held onto the end of his shirt tightly, I glanced at him, then going back to my phone.
"Soraru-San."
I look at him, not taking my eyes off him,
"Yeah?"
I ask, he awkwardly stood there, shifting his weight to each foot. His face flushing.
"I... I... like you..."
I stuttered out looking down, pulling at the end of his shirt tighter. He started to sniffle, then sob, I stood up and tried to walk to up but he backed up from me.

"I— know.. it's disgusting! I'll try my hardest to forget my feelings! P-Please don't hate me, Soraru-San!"
Mafumafu choked out, he looked at me, and seeing him to pained hurt me. I wasn't disgusted, nor would I hate him. But I didn't know how to respond.
I walked a bit close, slowly.
"Mafumafu-San,"
I said softly, walking slowly to him,
"You liking me or anyone of the same gender isn't disgusting, it's natural."
I said, it was true. I slowly walked up to him, he looked down again, his sobs were now silent.

I gently placed a hand on his soft bleached hair,
"I don't know how I feel. But don't forget your feelings. Make me fall in love with you, Mafumafu-San."
I said to him, like speaking to a small child.
He shook his head over my hand,
"N-No... don't worry, Soraru-San... I'll make sure to forget all about my feelings."
He choked out. I sighed quietly. If that's what he wanted I couldn't stop him. He's way too stubborn.

After he stopped crying, he grabbed his stuff, putting on his shoes and left my house with a timid goodbye.

•————•

2019

As time went on, Mafumafu's "flirting" on twitter died out. And in return I didn't block him anymore. Mafumafu pulled away emotionally and physically from our friendship. He stopped randomly hugging me, or grabbing my wrist to pull me somewhere. Instead he'd politely say,
"Come look at this, Soraru-San!"
He wouldn't confide in my anymore. At least not as much before he confessed.
And neither of us ever even mentioned anything that happened that night.

Mafumafu definitely succeeded, I fallen for him. I can't pinpoint when, not even the year. But by 2017 my feelings for that guy was overflowing. It hurt, I barley got to be so open with him after, he kept pulling away as time went on, I couldn't touch him as much as before. Hugs were few and far between as well as other physical affections. He still praised me every now and then. But out right complimenting was rare.

I guess humans want what they can't have. I suspect I at least had the tiniest crush on mafumafu when he confessed. The only thing holding me back was me being afraid. Although other people being into the same gender didn't bother me. When it was me I was hesitant. Maybe it's because all before that I always loved girls, I found them cute, I wanted to marry one. But being confronted that maybe I like boys too scared me.

But I was also scared of ruining our friendship. Mafumafu was important person to me, if it didn't work out romantically between us, it would've ended awfully were we don't talk anymore. And I couldn't handle that. Our all our friendships after that would be awkward.

But damn. It hurt. I knew I was being selfish, but I couldn't help but want more with him. After the Rain is amazing, and hearing him describe me as "partner" made me heart soar. But I wanted more to that partner. I wanted lovers. It was selfish, wanting to ruin a guy's future like that. Surely Mafumafu would want to have a nice wife, and children, some cats. A little family. But I didn't want that for him. I wanted us to be together.

I was usually able to hold back the bitter in my heart and my feelings for him. But sometimes it felt like my cup of love for him overflowed too much and I do and say impulsive things. It's embarrassing but I've hugged him multiple times that way. Either on stage or us two one while I was drunk. It's like those exciting things get to me when I'm with him.