Draco: If you were a spell you'd be stupefy.
Harry:
Draco: Cause you're stunning. *Wink wink*
Harry: Will this ever stop, Draco?
Draco: Fine, Mr. Avada Kedavra, way to kill the mood.
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Draco: Potter, Potter, is it true that you fainted, like actually fainted?!
Ron: Shove off, Malfoy.
Draco: Oh shut it, Weasley, I'm checking on my boyfriend- Baby are you okay, do you want father to sue the train?!
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Albus: Severus, why are you so uptight lately.
Severus: OH I DON'T KNOW ALBUS, MAYBE THE FACT THAT THE BOY WHO LIVED WANTS TO FUCKING DIE!
Albus: Severus, he's just a kid. Let him be curious.
Severus: PROTECT HARRY POTTER THEY SAID, IT'LL BE FUN THEY SAID!
Albus: Severus, please-
Severus: HE HAS THE SURVIVAL INSTINCTS OF A SQUIRREL ON CRACK COCAINE!
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Harry: Guys I think something's up
Everyone else: You're just paranoid.
Voldemort: hELlo cHiLDrEn tIMe tO dIEs
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*Slytherin boys are giving advice to Blaise about getting out the closet*
Blaise: So how did you get out the closet?
Draco: I didn't get out the closet, it toppled over and I fell out.
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Pansy: Why are there no attractive, rich boys at Hogwarts?!
Draco: AHEM
Pansy: Sorry, I meant why are there no attractive rich straight boys at Hogwarts?!
Draco: Better.
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Ron: I failed my Auror safety course today.
Harry: Why?
Ron: They asked 'In case of a fire, what steps would you take?'
Harry: And?
Ron: Apparently 'fUcKiNg lARgE oNEs' isn't an acceptable answer.
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Blaise: I'm Bi and I'm confused.
Blaise: Not because I'm bi, but I just never know what the fuck's going on.
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Snape: Potter, I knew you snuck out last night.
Harry's Mind: Play dumb!
Harry: Who's Potter?
Harry's Mind: Not THAT Dumb!
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Hermione: So what are you going to bring to the Christmas dinner?
Draco: My negative attitude and sparkling personality.
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Ron: I'm gonna put this straight fow-
Draco: None of us are straight, Weasley.
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Lucius: Never yell at your kids.
Lucius: Take the time to calmly explain to them how much you regret your decision to become a parent.
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Ron: If spiders were the size of cats would they be more or less scary?
Ron: They can't get into your house that easily, but when they do... Ohhhh boy.
Ron: OHHHH BOY.
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Ron: Guys, I almost choked last night.
Draco: You'll be fine next time, You just have to stay still and blow through your nose, before you take more.
Ron: I was talking about food. What were you talking about?
Draco: I was talking about stuff in general.
Harry: I'm stuff in General.
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Ron: Can you not answer questions with sarcasm?
Draco: Can you not ask stupid questions?
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Harry: I heard an interesting rumor today.
Draco: Only one?
Draco: I started at least 20.
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Yeah so um.. I got this off the internet so none are original. Bye.
YOU ARE READING
Harry Potter Sht Post
RandomThis has Drarry, Permione, Jeverus, and Raise in it. Focus: Comedy Warnings: LGBTQ+, Dirty or Dark humor These ideas are NOT original! I took it off the internet and [Mostly] used different characters in it, and may have changed up the words.
