Peter Parker Whump + other stuff

You'll be alright

MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND SUICIDE

Peter's POV

"I'm sorry, Tony,"

Those words repeated over and over in my head for three years. Three years since I saw Tony and how I heard his heartbeat fade and stop beating on the battlefield. I was stuck inside the soul stone for five years with the same words repeating in my head.

"You're alright kid," 

They were Tony's last words to me when I turned to dust on titan all those years ago, I only reunited with him briefly in the middle of the battle and I saw him a few times while fighting but after that, he was gone. He left me with two phrases stuck in my head on repeat, the words he said when I was fading to dust and the words I said to him as I watched him die.

Two pills every morning, the doctor gave me antidepressants to help with the grief and I've took two every morning. It's the reason I get out of bed in the morning and if I don't take the antidepressants then suicide comes closer. 

Some days were better than others and as the years went on things improved a lot, I surrounded myself with people that cared about me and recovered and moved on. I went to M.I.T with Ned and MJ and I were dating, I've dealt with a lot more villans as Spider-Man and managed to help the Avengers even though I lived 3 hours away from Stark Industries. On the holidays I visited Pepper and Morgan and Rhodey and Happy were usually there, May passed away 6 months after Tony did which added to my depression. I ended up in hospital from a suicide attempt but Pepper, Rhodey and Happy managed to get me on my feet again and MJ was there for me all the way. She was there when I had to walk across the graduation stage with no one to cheer me on, she stayed up with me all night when I wanted to commit suicide and made sure I was taking care of myself. 

I tried to repay her by helping her with studying and staying up with her when she was stressing about a test. I comforted her when it was that time of the month and brought her everything that I knew would cheer her up. It was the least I could do for her after she's helped me so much and I wanted to do more so I tried my hardest to do everything I could for her and I could tell she appreciated it. 

I had just finished a video call with all the remaining Avengers and we talked about missions and space stuff. Everything was calm and pretty good so there wasn't much to talk about, I went to the desk on my side of the room while Ned was still at one of his late classes. I finished my work and sighed as I looked around my room, I stood up and went to walk forward when I stubbed my toe against my desk. I swore and clutched my toe before losing my balance and falling onto the carpeted floor, a notebook had fallen open on the floor and I frowned and picked it up. I read over it and realisation hit me. I had to write a poem about my depression when I was seeing a therapist, May made me see one but I couldn't tell the therapist I was Spider-Man so it was hard for her to help me.

Depression doesn't scream in your ear.

Depression whispers have no fear you're better off not here.

A dark hole consumes your soul and you begin to mentally disappear. 

One suicide attempt at a time and you hope that the end is near.

It's so easy to smile through the hurt.

But your soul feels like it's being dragged through the dirt.

Your mind goes numb and you want to die.