A Stranger In My Home

Chapter 10

After unloading the boxes at Jim’s office, Julie started going through the contents. Two of the boxes contained receipts in no real order, two contained bank statements and insurance papers, and the last one a jumble of different papers that Julie couldn’t make sense of. She wrote Jim an email in which she described the contents, and then headed home for the day.

As long as Julie had kept busy, she’d been able to push the thoughts away and thereby her anxiety, but as she was driving, her mind started churning again, as did her stomach. There was no doubt in her mind it was Derek at the courthouse, and now that he’d seen her…

Julie felt anxiety gripping hold of her once more and she pulled the car over to the side of the road to concentrate on her breathing. What was it Jason had told her? Box. Julie closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest, trying not to think of anything except the imaginary box. After a few minutes, she’d calmed herself down enough to start the car again and continue on her way. The knot in her stomach, however, would not dissolve.

She hated showing weakness. For years, she’d played the brave and loyal wife, putting on a smiling face whenever she interacted with other people. She was only weak and submissive with Derek, when they were alone. He didn’t want her to show spunk of any kind. She had no will of her own with him. And here Jason was, telling her to stand on her own two feet, to make choices, to take control of her own life. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t reconcile the two sides.

She liked working, it gave her purpose. Night classes also felt like a step in the right direction. She was making friends. How could she go back to being completely isolated now? But this was all temporary, wasn’t it? She felt like she was in limbo, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. As long as she was staying with Jason, technically a member of her family, she would never truly be independent. He was her safety net and it frightened her to death to know she’d one day have to leave.

How odd, Julie thought to herself as she pulled into the driveway, that this house felt more like home than the place she’d spent years in with her husband. It was like a whole other life had begun and it had only been a few weeks since she left the old one.  Seeing him at the courthouse only filled her with fear – not love – and she realized she didn’t want to go back.

Years spent in fear, brief moments of joy, and brief moments of thinking she might actually leave him all blended together in her mind and created one big pile of ashes. But like the proverbial bird Phoenix, Derek’s image rose from the ashes, reaching for her.

Would she ever be free from her old life? Or would she still be stuck in this place a year from now, maybe even start to forget the dark years and put on rose colored glasses instead? Would she start missing Derek once all the old bruises had faded and she no longer had any visible scars to remind herself of what her life was like?

A knock on the car window jolted Julie out of her musings, and she jumped in fright. She let out a shaky breath of relief and embarrassment when she recognized Jason looking in at her, wearing a concerned expression along with his five o’clock shadow. She opened the door and slid out, grabbing her bag from the passenger seat in the process.

“Hi.”

“Hey, you looked to be a million miles away,” Jason said, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Jason,” she said and started walking towards the house. He fell into step beside her. “How was your day at the garage? You didn’t get in trouble on my account, did you?”

“They can’t exactly fire the boss, now can they?” Jason smiled and unlocked the door to the house.

“Wait…” Julie frowned. “I thought…”