hit or miss. | vmon.

Chapt. 12 - Goodbye Pt. 1

Taehyung's P.O.V.

  When I walked into the living room, surprisingly enough my mom wasn't there waiting for me.

  "Mom?"

  "I'm in the kitchen!"

  I walked into the kitchen and saw her cooking something.

  "You didn't wait for me this time."

  "I just figured you were at Namjoon's house. I did worry a bit but I guess I shouldn't be too overprotective of you. You aren't a child anymore, I probably shouldn't treat you like one."

  "Oh, okay. Call me when dinner's ready, I'll be in my room."

  "Alright."

  I went into my room. I'm not completely sure why but I have this underlying feeling that, maybe, Namjoon isn't going to come back.

  I don't want it to be true, of course, but it's just a thought in the back of my head.

  Like, what if he finds someone else? What if I find someone else? What if we forget about each other and end up never speaking again?

  I shivered at the thought. I don't like thinking about it, not one bit.

  It didn't only make me sad. It also made me mad. Mad about the future.

  Mad at myself. Mad that I didn't take the chances I had to make him mine. Mad I didn't try harder to keep in contact.

  Maybe.. Maybe I just need to walk. Maybe I just need to clear my mind of all these thoughts.

  I took a few deep breaths, put on a jacket I had laying around, and went into the living room.

  "Mom, I'm going out for a walk. I'll be back in a bit."

  "Alright, be careful! It's getting dark, I don't want you to get hurt."

  "Yes ma'am, I'll be careful."

  I put on some converse, took the spare keys, and went out through the front door, locking it once I was fully out.

  I walked off the front porch and just walked. I went to wherever my feet took me. I had no destination in mind, all I was thinking about was the what ifs.

  What if he doesn't come back.

  What if he does but doesn't love me.

  What if he already finds someone else.

  What if he never texts me again.

  What if he forgets me..

  No.. No, no, he can't forget me, right? I'm memorable, right? He'll remember me, right? We'll be together one day, right? Or, even friends at the very least. We'll talk with each other like now, just like pals, just like friends, right? He..

  He won't forget me..

  Right..?

  A mixture of sadness and fury rose inside of me. It was like if every terrible emotion I bottled up inside of me came out all at once and I wanted to scream.

  I wanted to scream so badly. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to cry my heart out.

  Every back thing, I wanted to do.

  I'm not even of age but I want to drink away my problems. I want to wash my thoughts away. I want to rip something apart into pieces.

  Anything.. Anything to release my anger would be nice.

  Breathing doesn't help. It makes me feel like I'm trying to supress my problem even more.

  If I was in my room right now, I definitely would've punched the wall.

  I'd act like a kid but more damage would be done.

  I lightly laughed.

  I pitied myself. I don't know what I did to get here. Walking around as if I had no care in the world. Thing to myself as if everything was basically falling apart.

  I thought I was stronger than this. I've been hurt worse than this before, what makes this time so special?

  Maybe it's because..

  I fell deeper than I thought.