Hopelessly depressed by you

when I need it most is when I'm alone

Kurt's been a little absent, I think the job is demanding a lot from him. He is happy in New York, and how would he not be? The city is exciting, people are more receptive to people like us, the internship is proving to be a career opportunity ... everything he wanted and deserves ...

I just feel like we don't talk anymore as we used to talk. He hasn't been having much time for me. I miss him not only as a boyfriend but as a friend ... this week was hard for me.

My parents and I are increasingly distant. My mother hardly ever stops home, and when she's home she's around with her friends and social gatherings. My dad, this one makes it very clear that my presence is a huge nuisance ... the gay son ... the family shame ... We argue again. He was so upset that he almost assaulted me this time, even grabbed my arm and shouted right in my face ... I thought that this time he would really lose his mind ... it was close.

I was so scared that I locked myself in my room and tried to call Kurt. I needed to vent, to tell what happened, to feel that there was someone who understood me ... but he didn't even give me time to tell anything. He answered and said he was having dinner with Isabele at a trendy restaurant, who would later call me to talk ... two days ago ... I think he's out of time.

Today Eli, that boy who made friends with facebook, texted again ... It's been a few days that we chatted via messages ... he's a nice guy, seems interested in what I say ... Ok ... sometimes he's kind of flirtatious, but no big deal. It's pure joke, innocent ...

Eli invited me to his house, I don't know if it's a good idea ... we just message ... okay he just wants to talk ... Of course ... what else would he want with someone who does he barely know? Even someone more boring like me?

Surely he just keeps talking to me because he pities the poor guy who can't handle dating at a distance.