falling for the bad boy

lily finds out

{Lily's pvp}

I sit in McLarens with theo, ted, barney, Marshall and Robin

"Okay, I officially hate my job. I'm not an architect I'm the person who gives my boss coffee and doughnut and builds the penis-shaped building model. Let's face it I'm the penis model girl"theo says

"Penis model girl" That's hilarious! Great joke, theo, great joke."

"Barney, no offence to theo, but that wasn't that funny."

"Are you kidding? That was a great joke. It's smart, funny, beautiful, the whole package. It's everything you're afraid to let yourself want. In a joke. "Penis model girl" Classic."

(a few days later)

"Okay, what is so urgent that you called me and begged me to come over at 7:22 in the morning?" I say walking in

"I could tell you knew something was up with me, and you're right. But I can't tell you what it is. I should tell you, but I can't! I have to. I never will! I'm going to. Let's just drop it. What's up with you? "

"Barney, just say it, "I say sternly

"I think I'm in love with Theo."

"I don't believe it. I thought you called me over here to uncuff you from your s*x swing again, but you're in love? That is so sweet!"

"It's not "sweet." It's like a disease. I slept with theo one time and I caught feelings. I caught feelings badly. I used protection and everything."

"Barney, you don't "catch" feelings, you just have them. And they're good."

"They're terrible! I can't eat, I can't sleep. She's all I think about. I close my eyes, I see theo. I, I hear a song; it reminds me of theo."

"Morning. "Says a random skank

"I sleep with that chick, I'm thinking about theo."

"You love her? Barney, how can you be in love, and still be sleeping with anything that moves?"

" I'm sorry, I don't follow you. That's like saying, "How can an ant carry "20 times its body weight, but root beer floats are still delicious?" Are the two even related? Really? "

" Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around if you want to be Theo's boyfriend. "

"Boyfriend"? I don't want to be Theo's boyfriend. "

" Well, what do you want, then?"

" I don't know. I just want to be with her. All the time. I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend. "

" Barney, what you just described is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. And a pretty clingy one at that."

  "Look, Lily, are you going to help me out with this or not?"

"I'm a kindergarten teacher. I see a confused, little kid in the corner trying to eat the lefty scissors, I gotta help the poor, little bastard. But only if you stop sleeping around. Deal?"

"Deal."