Just Read It...

ch. 14

England's pov

The door of the meeting room opened and I looked to the door ever vigilant as always one of the skills I aquired over the years. But that is not important at the moment I look over to the door and see Germany which was expected, but what was not was seeing Sealand, the little brat trailing behind him.

My first thought was did Prussia turn into Sealand which was silly and quickly replaced with a more reasonable thought Sealand probably snuck in here and Germany found him in the halls.

Which may be correct yes. But that would mean that Sealand specifically did not listen to what I've told him numerous times, those specific words being 'Do not sneak into meetings'

Honestly this kid is more rebellious then America was at this specific age, which I guess isn't saying a lot since America was not that rebellious tell he was older then Sealand, but none the less still a rambunctious kid.

Still I try to look out for Sealand, even if he's technically not my responsibility anymore he is Sweden's, and he just does not listen to me. I really wonder what I did to make him dislike me so much.

Come to think about it what did I do to make all my old colonies dislike me so much. Sure America doesn't dislike me so much anymore, and the commonwealth doesn't hate me, but there must be something wrong with me because why else would everybody leave me so often.

It's honestly a bit isolating, there's Scotland, N.Ireland and Wales but they all hate me, and stay off in their own borders.

It would be nice if somebody came to to visit me once in awhile. The only time I see other nations anymore is during meetings and them we're all arguing and it's just not-

"What is it?" I say after someone calling my name pulls me out of my temporary daze.

"Umm Sealand said you would object to him staying after I said the little bud could stay" America answered me

"Well if he's here already he might as well stay, but Sealand I am disappointed that you didn't listen to me and did the exact opposite of what I said" I say monotonous. I can already feel the headache coming on why can't these meeting just go smoothly for once.

"Oh angleterre stop being such a stick in the mud" the frog taunts me, and I know I probably shouldn't respond but I really can't stop myself.

"I'm not being a stick in the mud I'm being responsible. Not like you would know what that means" I snap at him probably not the most gentlemanly thing to do but... I have no excuse I just said it.

"Oh you wound me so..." He says and dramatically flopping himself onto Spain. I am about to say more but China stops me by saying.

"If you westerners are done. Can we continue reading the book?" He makes a fair point.

I see Russia pick the book up again and read

"Cue the bloody fireworks it seems to be July 4 again, it seem it's already that time of year, although the 1st was lovely celebrating with Canada and the rest of the commonwealth, I was slightly reminded of the fact it was the first time I've seen some of them outside of meetings we are forced to endure once a month, now I am aware that it is the same every year, and that progressively on all of their independence days I'm reminded of the fact that they've all left me, then it accumulates on today's date and I write a letter of pity for myself. Honestly it is a little but sad and I regret the practice, no matter how much I tell them I don't mind their independence or I don't care, I do, I sound like France. Speaking of France, I am also well aware of the fact that he also misses his former colonies, but I feel as though it's not the same sadness he looks back with joy and pride that they all turned out well and happy, while I look back with disappointment and sadness not to all of my former colonies but towards myself. I tell myself they are all well off, happy and independent but I can't help but think they could be better off or happier if I had done a better job and sticked around for more then a couple weeks to teach them every thing I knew and cared for them instead of being concerned with having the 'biggest empire' or riches, as well as petty things like being better then France, and Spain. As their caretaker I should have been there and I guess in some ways that is me admitting that I wasn't the best at everything as much as I am proud of what I did and accomplished, I should of focused on the little things, like being there when Australia fought his first 'croc' maybe he would have been less rambunctious now. I know this is probably way longer then it needs to be and just adding to the collection of entries like this but I hope that I won't need to write another one of These so I wrote out most of my thoughts I still have some and I am still lonely, desperately lonely and probably will be forever but I'm hoping for a better future."

Jesus Christ I talk alot write a alot I don't really know what to think right now on one hand I'm thinking Congrats now everyone knows that you write letters to yourself every year about how lonely you are, now they'll avoid you which is either good or bad? and opposite of that it is Maybe they'll all want to spend time with me more often cause I so lonely and feel bad. Familiar thoughts I have although normally with different wording flood my mind often.

I'm always stuck between wanting change and people who love me and being comfortable with how I am and desperately grasping to the strings of my isolation. I normally lean towards not doing anything as I'm fine the waybi am now.

It seems the ancients decided to take away my decision in the matter, I am slightly enraged by the idea that they thought I couldn't do it on my own and took away my choice in the matter, but a small tiny part of me knows I probably would have been having this argument in my heard ablit it for the rest of the millennia.

I see that there is no better time then now to day something about it. I've been forced by social construct it would be weird if I denied it or kept silent

"Well certainly I was not expecting to have to do this today, I am lonely and would like to not be alone anymore, although this is not the way I would have liked to say this" who am I kidding probably wouldn't have ever done this on my own "I see the ancients intention behind it and will go along with it. " even if I don't agree with it.

It feels nice but I definitely don't feel as if I've solved my problems all I've done is tell people I am lonely it does nothing to solve the actual problem, and it's not as if me being a bit sad about being alone is anything to matter much, the others probably have more important problems then I do.

I get an idea

"If it's not to much hassle I would prefer if we moved on to the next thing and deal with my issues later. Pass me the book please" Sure it's avoiding the issue for now and I feel tension rise in the air as I say the words it's almost as if they didn't realize we could not talk about what this book states, I don't mind if I'm not playing to the ancients plan, I may be putting it off but I like it that way, they've forced my decision once but not anymore it's seems I was more angered by my choice being chosen for me then I thought.

Besides I'd laugh if this thing actually helps. And I think my issues can be resolved last on my own time.

You know as they say us Brits are extremely cynical and stubborn.

It can be dealt with later. When I decide to.

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Oh y'all conflict. Idk if this was any good but it was fun to write I feel as if I made England take like a 180° at the end there but whatever. :D

Anyways hope you enjoyed pls tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. And also sorry for taking so long to get this up i.dont really have an excuse i just couldn't think of anything to write.