This Isn't Happening

Chapter 1. The Plane Ride

This could be a good thing, I repeatedly told myself. Even if it wasn't, it'd still be better than being back at home. I looked down at Ryder, my seven month old son, sleeping in my arms. He was the sweetest baby anyone could ever ask for. Too bad his dad, Chase, would never know him.

It was the beginning of the summer, after my second year in college, when I got pregnant. Like most people my age, it was an accident. But I was crazy and stupid and now- here I am.

When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't know what to do. Obviously I had to tell Chase, but that was possibly the biggest mistake ever. Needless to say we didn't talk through my whole pregnancy. Yes, I had my mom, but there was just something about having Chase with me.

The day Ryder was born, I was so happy. Happy that my son was finally here. Happy that Chase made an effort to come see us... He didn't stay at the hospital long, but it's the thought that counts, right?

When I got Ryder home the next day, Chase came to see us there too. I was so tired... All I remember is my mom telling me to get some sleep while she and Chase watched Ryder. If only I would've said goodbye.

As my eyes slowly opened a few hours later, it was strangely quiet. I know I might have still been loopy from the medicine, but to have a newborn and a house full of visitors, there was supposed to be some noise. I'll never forget my mom's pained expression as she stood there holding my son.

I looked out the window of the plane. I don't know what I was expecting to see, but I just watched the sky at the plane continued its journey to Bradford, London. My new home. Ryder stirred and I tried to get him back to sleep. I needed some more time to think this over.

Well there wasn't anything to think over. I'm a 20 year old mom, who's moving to a different country to raise her son by herself. What could go wrong? I laughed quietly to myself, shaking my head, as I continued my flashback of that awful day.

I remember standing in the doorway of my room wanting to go get Ryder, but not being sure if I could move. "He's gone... Chase." Those words will never leave my brain, even if I do find someone else who loves me and my son.

Chase fed Ryder a bottle and put him to bed that afternoon before he left. Mom says as soon as the car left the driveway, Ryder whimpered, but stayed sleeping. Chase never made it home that night.

My ex boyfriend was pretty well known around the town, and when he died, that's all anyone could talk about. When I'd go into the city, people would stare and point and talk, and I just couldn't take it. Who knows what little Ryder would hear around town once he started school. It was my place to tell him what happened to his dad. Not anyone else's.

It only took seven months, but once my mom was convinced that I was capable of taking care of my own child, she and dad had no other option to listen to my plans. I already found a house, and I already found a job working at the local Starbucks down the road from the house. It was perfect.

They had to let me go. I mean I didn't need their permission- I was going anyway- but they still had a right to know that I was taking their only grandson and moving across the world.

So that's where I am now. Waiting to land as I began to see the ground. "Here we go, little man." I whispered to my son as I placed him in his carrier. Still sound asleep, I picked him up and exited the plane.

This is for the best, I told myself once more as I found my bags and headed to the waiting car. With a deep breath, I looked around at the cloudy afternoon sky. I took a picture of my baby and sent it to my mom... she was a worried mess.

I got into the car and for the first time in months, smiled a real smile. Not a smile that came across my face from seeing Ryder, but just a real smile. Suddenly I had a change of heart. Moving to London was the right thing to do.