Sober Feelings, Drunk Confessions

Chapter Nine

Natalie's P.O.V

Don't get me wrong, I loved being around the guys and girls, but right now, I just wasn't feeling it.

My thoughts were a mess. I was worried about David and if he was okay, I hated seeing him sick. I was also thinking deep about what got into me on the ferris wheel. Why did I lean in? Why did I get upset when Dave said that he doesn't read fanfictions about us?

Everything was a blur to me. I lost in lazer tag so many times, I just decided to call it a night. I was usually a very competitive person, but tonight, it was different.

The only goal in my head was to go back home and see what David was up to. Regardless of how narcissistic it sounded, I couldn't help but feel like Dave wasn't actually sick and that he was just lying because he was hurt of my actions on the ferris wheel.

I knew he wanted to kiss me. I knew he wanted it and I knew he wanted it bad. He had confessed that to me when he was drunk, I don't even know what I was thinking when I leaned in. I gave him hope of it happening and by God am I such an idiot.

I have never wanted a night to end so bad. On our way back, everyone was singing and dancing around in the car as I plainly stared out the window and drove. I hated it when my thoughts consumed me so much that I couldn't have fun, but I just couldn't help it.

I dropped Zane off last, and turned the music down so I could think as I drove home. However at some point, my thoughts got too loud and I needed an escape, so I turned the music back up.

Anyone could tell that this was David's car because the moment I turned the volume up, I realized that 'Dancing Queen' was playing.

I couldn't help but sing along, it was almost like an instinct to sing along to this song. It was David's favorite, and I loved it too, mainly because he loved it.

A few tears escaped my eyes as I drove, which sucked. I hated being such a sensitive person who cries whenever I'm alone. It's just that last night was overwhelming for me, and this night was even more overwhelming. I always thought of David as my best friend, but now I was just confused. What the fuck were you feeling, Natalie?

I got home much faster than I expected. I unlocked the door and walked in, making sure that there was no way anyone could tell that I was crying.

"David?" I yelled out as I took off my shoes and shut the door behind me.

I walked closer to his room, "Dave?" I spoke, slightly quieter in case he was asleep.

His door was a bit cracked open, so I was able to take a small look inside. David was indeed sleeping on his bed, his laptop was open, and there was a paper and pen right next to him. I assumed that he was editing to I just smiled to myself.

I walked in the room, carefully, making sure I don't wake him up. As I expected, he was editing, so I saved what he was editing and shut his laptop off, placing it on the nightstand.

I figured that getting the covers from under David would be a struggle so I just got him some new ones from the closet and covered him with them.

I reached out to remove the pen and paper that were next to him, but as I held them in my hand, I couldn't help but read the title.

'To a love I will probably never confess.'

I fought the urge to read what was written under it so bad, but curiosity got the best me. Especially because David doesn't usually write, so how fed up did he have to be to write his emotions on a piece of paper.

'You've been here for quite a while,
Yet, I have no right to call you mine.
Survived all this time,
But you're always on my mind.
Can I kiss you for the first time?
And if you don't like it, pull away.
And hold your hand, just for once,
And if you want it, I'll separate.
And can we lay under the moonlight,
And watch the stars?
If you don't feel the sparks,
Then my feelings I shall erase.'

Wow. I never knew David's feelings were that strong to the point where he'd actually write something about it. It was one of the best things anyone has ever wrote me, even if he wasn't planning to give to me.

My stomach twisted as I read the title again. It made me feel so bad that I'm hiding this away from David. He thinks he'll never confess his love to me, not knowing that he already has.

Why am I being such a jerk? All David wants is a chance. What insures me that I wouldn't like it if we kissed? Or if we held hands, or even stayed up late watching the stars and talking about life. Nothing was promised, for all I know I could feel sparks by doing any of the things he mentioned.

That's when I knew that I needed to do it. I needed to give him a chance.

I placed the paper exactly where it was so that Dave wouldn't know that I read it. I also placed it backwards so he'd think that even if I was in the room, I hadn't noticed it.

Then, I went to my room and fell asleep so fast it was impossible.