Aeipathy [Yoonmin]

39.

Yoongi walked in the room and turned on the lights. He knew Jimin would be waiting for him awake.

"Oh, you're up." He casually said like he didn't know any better.

"You know I can't sleep without knowing you're here safe." He responded.

Yoongi nodded and sat down on his bed kicking his shoes off. The smell of smoke quickly filled the room upsetting Jimin's stomach.

They remained quiet for a while waiting for each other to say a word. Jimin's palms were sweaty from the anxiety.

He knew he was right to be angry and to act the way he did. However, he also knew that he had to take Yoongi's feelings in consideration and that's why he wanted to talk to him.

"I-" Jimin said, but Yoongi spoke up at the same time he did.

"We-"

"Go on." He told.

Yoongi sighed and didn't know how to start talking. How would he tell him? How do you just cut someone from your life like that?

"I've never been this serious about anyone before," he started.

Jimin nodded biting the inside of his cheek. He could feel the sweat forming under his arms. "And, I really care about you. But, I also know that I hurt you. No matter what I do to make up for it I constantly hurt you."

He didn't say a word at first and let everything sink in. His heart started to feel like it was being squeezed too hard.

"I can't keep doing this. I'm sorry." He whispered.

Jimin gulped and tried to control his breathing. Though he wasn't hit, it felt like he had been punched in the center of his stomach.

"What?" Was all he could say.

"If we continue to do this I will only keep hurting you. I'm not going to change. I don't want to be openly gay. I don't want to be targeted. I want to move and be able to find a job where I won't be discriminated because of my preferences. I know its shitty of me and I'm really sorry I wasted your time. I'm sorry I let this go on for so long."

Jimin's eyes instantly filled with tears. How do you respond to this? How do you stop your heart from hurting like this? How do you stop your mind from racing and your world from falling apart within seconds?

"Are you going to say something?" He whispered his own heart sinking.

"That's it?" Jimin asked as a tear fell.

"Don't cry. I'm sorry."

Jimin wipes his tears with the back of his hand. "Why're you're giving up on me so easily? I would never give up on you. I'm willing to fight. I'm being patient with you. I don't expect you to go out and yell to the world that you like me or that I like you. I just want you to try that's all."

Yoongi looked down. Why did his heart feel like it was sinking to his feet? His eyes were blurry from the tears and he had to blink them away.

"Why did we think this would even work? In all reality, you expect too much out of me. I'm selfish and I can't hurt you. Do you know that after I beat the shit out of that asshole I panicked because he said that you were my boyfriend? That's why I never showed up at the park. I'm scared to be seen with you. I already told you I can't be that brave. I don't want to live my life in fear of being beaten to death or being made fun of. If this world was perfect we could do it, but unfortunately it's not. And if I were as strong as you I'd stay, but I'm not."