The worst thing about chronic illness, is waking up one day to not being yourself. I was the superhero before, the martyr, the one with all the energy. I lived at the parks, libraries and zoos. I went from chasing my children, to laying on the couch unable to move.
I guess I should start by introducing myself. I plan to write this as part of Nanowrimo. Just another way for me to creatively express myself, sometimes in the only way possible. I am a thirty something year old mother of four amazing children. To protect them, I will use initials for their names. Children deserve privacy.
In 2015 I underwent a semi-emergent C-section to deliver my third child. I lost 1500ml of blood in surgery. It was kind of surreal because as much as the doctors tried to act like everything was okay, I knew it wasn't. I could smell the blood. It was obvious they were worried. My midwife was fascinated because hospitals these days use something called a cell saver, which suctions your blood up, sends it into a centrifuge, cleans it and then spits it back into your own body. I got about 1000ml's of my own blood back. For the most part I thought the c-section went great. It was nice to be able to sit for once. It was after when things changed.
I was 311lbs after my daughter was born. At some point I got up to 315lbs. I've always been overweight, I'm still overweight. I decided after her birth, I was exhausted with being fat. So I thought, why not lose weight? I searched the internet for inspiration. I figured, change my diet, start exercising, what could go wrong?
Everything...
A few months after R was born, we're going to have to use her middle initial, because the first is the same as her older brother, I got an apple watch for an anniversary present. Don't ask which anniversary, I don't remember. I was serious. I was going to lose weight and take better care of myself. I noticed that walking long distances was harder. I was overheating faster, my feet ached, of course carrying a good extra 150lbs (read an entire person extra) would be painful. I was just blissfully unaware how much I had let myself go.
As time went by and I healed from the c-section, I noticed that I would feel dizzy often and light headed. I would feel like my heart was beating out of my chest. Several things were happening at once. I went to the doctor to get an idea of how to lose weight and make it stick. She put me on a vegan diet. I felt like shit. It did not work. I lost 10lbs and then it stopped working. Obviously me and vegan did not jive. So I started eating meat again and felt somewhat better.
Then I looked for birth control, I mean let's be honest, the worst way to lose weight is to get pregnant again. I was never on it before and I started with the Nuva Ring. Time went on and I kept feeling light headed. I started trying to be more active, like at the park, doing laps while my two older boys who were 1.5 years old and five years old played. When I could, I hit my local gym and used their indoor track. I asked my sister, the fitness guru how to train for a 5k. I watched Extreme Makeover with Chris Powell. The one common theme I saw with that is that most gained their weight back.
And despite my efforts, dizziness remained. I googled my symptoms, beginning to get concerned about them. Occasionally I ran across POTS but most of the time I saw signs of anemia. Yet my hemoglobin (that's the number that measures the iron in your blood) was normal. I kept asking my doctor, when...when will I feel normal.
Then after getting two periods in one month, thanks Nuva Ring for not working for me, by the way if you have a funny shaped cervix and tilted womb, this may not be the best choice for you, I ended up in the ER. I was driving my three kids to go to a local large animal petting zoo that was about an hour drive away. I had gotten into a facebook fight that pissed me off, forgotten to eat, because that is what nursing mothers do and ran out the door. I kept feeling light headed and weak. I called my doctor, she said to pullover which I already had and call an ambulance, which I did. When it arrived, I had to call my husband from work, he was working at a fancy accounting firm, newly hired, my blood pressure was 60/40. The normal top number, systolic is between 90-120, the diastolic aka bottom number is supposed be between 60-80. At the ER I got fluids and was told to check with my doctor. Nothing was wrong with my heart, lungs or anything else.
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Life with Pots-Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (NANOWRIMO2019)
Non-FictionDid you ever try to stand up and feel like your heart was racing out of your chest? Get dizzy, then magically feel better when you lie down? Have you seen so many specialists and have been told to lose weight, eat more salt and exercise and still fe...