Within The Despair

Our Despair|Chapter One

We would say those days were normal for the most part. We're just kids in high school. Nothing out of the ordinary here. Oh... wait... yeah. We're not normal high schoolers.

The sound of an alarm clock rang through the room. How annoying and loud it was. Zen woke up in cold sweat. "Oh my god!" She yelled out to no one in particular. She just had the strangest dream. She was with her friends, Maria and Alex; her bully, Zach; and the school "Nice Guy", Evan. They were all standing on the school rooftop. Zen looked over and saw her sister. Ryelyn, her sister, was standing near the edge. Mumbles something to herself and leaps off the edge. Zen was scared. But brushed it off as being a strange dream and nothing more, nothing less. She went to do her morning routine. Changing into her uniform for the first day of high school.

Zen was excited. This was the first year she would be with her big sister. She always adored her sister. Ryelyn was smart, confident, and strong. She was the symbol of peace for Zen. If Ryelyn fell, Zen wouldn't know what to do.

Zen went downstairs for breakfast. In the air was the smell of toast and eggs. "Yummy!" she thought to herself. "Hey, Zen," Ryelyn said as she put a plate of perfectly toasted bread and runny eggs. "Eat up, we have to go soon." "Okay!" Zen looked down and ate through her breakfast very quickly. "Time to get to the bus, Zen!" Ryelyn shouted from the door. "I'm ready!" Zen shouted back.

She ran to the door, grabbed her bag and ran out to her sister. Ryelyn was there waiting and looking at her phone. Ryelyn had a sad expression written on her face. Zen wondered what it could be. She thought about asking but chose to ignore it and assume it was a dog being pushed off. Ryelyn was always into that. They both walked out of the house and to the bus stop. Waiting for the bus, Zen tried to ask Ryelyn what was wrong. Ryelyn calmly answered "I'm fine."

Not to Zen's knowledge, Ryelyn was lying. She wasn't fine at all. She was suffering alone. She did want her little sister to worry so she hid her true feelings behind a mask. A fake mask to cover the pain. "This will all end soon." Ryelyn quietly said to herself. Zen heard Ryelyn speak but didn't hear what was spoken. "Did you say something?" Asked Zen. "It's nothing Zen!" Ryelyn said with a fake smile. "Zen, get ready. The bus is behind the edge."

They both got their things and waited for the bus. The city bus came along and picked them up. They lived far from school. In a peaceful and quiet neighborhood. No drama, no violence, and nothing at all. Ryelyn paid the fee and sat with Zen. Zen dozed off while Ryelyn got out her phone and started to read her text messages.

"Can you leave him alone!!!" "Just get out" "You're all he worries about" "You attention seeking b****" Ryelyn stared at the messages. They were from Evan's girlfriend, Sara. Sara was always over protective of Evan, that's okay. Yet her over protectiveness is getting out of hand. Telling her fellow classmate to stay away from her friend. Intense but understandable. "He's happy to have her" Ryelyn thought to herself.

Ryelyn sighed and waited patiently for the bus to reach the school. Making three more stops, the bus made it to school. Ryelyn shook Zen to wake her up. "Wakie Wakie Zenny Zen." Ryelyn spoke softly. "No! Not my marshmallow!" Zen shouted. The whole bus looked at them. "Sorry!" Ryelyn shouted. The people on the bus went back to whatever they were doing. Ryelyn took Zen's hand and dragged her out of the bus and apologizing to the driver.

Ryelyn looked at Zen. "Really!" She shouted. Zen looked down in shame. Ryelyn composed herself. She put a hand on Zen's shoulder. "Promise me that won't happen again." Zen looked up. "Promise!" Ryelyn pulled out her phone and read the time. "Time for that..." she muttered.

"Zen, I need to go do something important." Zen looked at her very questioning. She then let it go. "Okay! Alex and Maria are almost here so I'll be fine." Ryelyn faked smiled. Then walked away.

Truth be told, Ryelyn was actually going to the school counselor. She walked the halls till an annoying face stood in front of her. Sara, looking pissed off has usual. "Look here freak! Stay away from my man or you're going to die!" Sara said in her not so intimidating voice. "This b***** though." Ryelyn muttered. "What did you say freak!" Sara shouted. Ryelyn just stared at her with a look of death on her face. "You won't have to worry about me soon." Ryelyn explained. "You're god d*mn right, b****!" Ryelyn just walked away. But she was going to be gone after Friday or at least that's the plan.

While Zen was waiting for Alex and Maria, something kicked her to the ground. She landed with a thud. Looking up at the preparator, it was Zach. Zach was Zen's childhood bully. When ever they meet, Zen would be hurt physically or if she was lucky, only mentally. "Why you on the ground, freak!" Zach laughed. Yet deep down Zach knew this was a mistake.  "I hate that you ruined it, Evan!" Zach shouted. Evan gave no care and dragged Zach out. Alex and Maria witnessed it all go down. They ran to Zen to see if she was okay. "Zen! Please tell me if you're okay!!!" Maria shouted has she went down to the floor to hug Zen. "He's a jerk face, ignore him and man up!" Alex exclaimed at Zen. Zen looked up at her and nodded her head. "Maria, you too!" Maria looked up to meet Alex's stare. "Those boys keep hitting on you! You gotta show them boys who's boss or they'll keep coming." Maria just looked down. She hated that what Alex said was right. If she didn't stop them, they'll destroy her and use her just for her body. Maria heard giggles. "Zen, Alex. I need to go somewhere." Zen and Alex looked at her but nodded.

Maria stood up and followed the giggles. She noticed that this area she stood in was the dark section of the school. Then a hand came out and dragged her in. Out from the shadows was a boy. He had looked in his eyes. Lust filled those eyes. The eyes traced down her body and met her chest. The boy kissed her, not loving but forced. She tried to escape from the boy. Let's just say she didn't make it out till lunch.

Over on the south side of school, stood Zach in the back alley. Punching the wall and letting out sobs and anger. He's a bully and he knows it. But the pain he feels, the suffering he endures, all the abuse. He can't seem to find the way. Trapped in his mind, letting anger out of Zen just filled with gee. The knowledge that he has power over another just makes him feel somewhat better. Evan's always encourages him to take another path. He can't. The abuse, he can't tell. No soul shall he tell. Scared of the woman who raised and abused him. Horrified by the man he calls his father. He can't be alone. All he has is them and Evan. But Evan could easily be lost.

East side of the school, Evan was at his locker. He got his books and slammed the door shut only to see her. His girlfriend, Sara. "Evan! Can we go shopping today?" He looked down and thought about how much money he had. Barely enough to pay bills and food. He was about to say no but stopped. An idea popped in his head. "Yeah! That could work!" He said to himself. If he worked till 5 am at his job, he could have enough for everything. "Yeah, sure." Evan responded to Sara. "Yay!" Sara exclaims. Then she kissed Evan on the cheek and ran off. Evan felt weak. He rethought about financial crisis. All the numbers, all the bills, everything piled in his head. He started to worry. He couldn't pay bills and have enough for good food. Yet he couldn't rely on others. He just has to work harder. He was alone with no family to call his own. Only the old man next door was his family. But with even the old man, Evan didn't have enough. The old man never helps, the only thing he did was make sure Evan wasn't taken by child protection services. All the money problems spun in his head. He was lying to himself. He felt his breathing get slower and heart starts to pound faster every second. He ran to the bathroom. Taking his pills and water out. Downing the pills then the water. He soon felt a bit normal. "What is this relationship doing to me?"

In the other bathroom. Ryelyn's session was at nine. It's eight thirty. Ryelyn hid in the bathroom stall. She went in to think. She thought about "Her plan" for Friday. "Monday, only four days to go." She looked down. Guilt flooded her. She felt guilty. She lied to her sister. Just to get by in school she lied to Evan. Evan didn't deserve it. She ignored him for his safety. "He suffers too much." She said to herself. "I'll only hurt him." She thought about her therapy. Never in any of their session did she feel better. She listened but nothing ever seemed to trigger anything. She tried antidepressant pills, just empty though. She was empty. The smile she gave, the words that came out, everything was a lie. No one bothered to look in. "Never speak those facts, never tell a soul, never doing anything rash." She told herself over and over again. But she knew one would be broken. "Never do anything rash." She laughed to herself. "What wonderful lie..."