Nasa garden raw si Kevin sabi ni Ate so that's where I went and there he is.
He's in his white dress shirt folded to his elbows, his back facing me and a stick of cigarette in between his fingers. He just got off work. Since when did he smoke?
Hinga malalim Reena. Hinga.
I took a one last deep breath and called him.
"Kev." I got his attention.
When he faced me, his face was void of any emotion.
"Let's talk." he said at pinatay yung yosi na hawak niya sa ash tray sa may garden table.
Napahinga na naman ako ng malalim. Ano bang meron dito? Mas kinakabahan ako pag kalmado siya eh.
"Would you like some coffee? I'll just go make you a cup." I said and went to the kitchen not waiting for his reply. I feel like I'll suffocate with him around when it's just the two of us.
Wala ng tao dito sa baba because it's already past 11 pm. While I was brewing the coffee, I was contemplating on why is he here.
After brewing, I poured it into two cups. I added creamer and sugar in his cup the way I used to make it before. Bumalik ako ng garden and he's still standing there.
Nilapag ko sa table yung tasa saka umupo, "why don't you sit down?" I said as I sat down.
"I'll stand." he said.
Okay? Kahit ba sa pag-offer maupo rejected pa rin ako.
I can't stand the silence that's why I just sipped on my coffee. I can't start a conversation, dahil ano bang sasabihin ko?
He sipped on his coffee and I noticed him crease his eyebrows.
I cleared my throat, "What brought you here?" I calmly asked.
"Bakit ka pa bumalik?" he looked directly into my eyes.
"My mom was sick, of course I'd come back and it was for Andy and Mike's wedding. Seryoso ka ba na tinatanong mo talaga sa akin yan?" I scoffed. I had the right to be rude this time.
Bakit niya ako itatanong kung ba't ako umuwi when he knew what happened to my mom.
He inhaled sharply, "okay na ako. Ba't bumalik ka pa?" And there.
It's like a bullet went straight through my chest and just like before, I still can't say anything.
"I didn't come back for you." I rebutted as he lit another stick of cigarette.
He scoffed, "of course, why would you come back for me? But I just have to ask you one thing."
My mind is whirring on things that he still needed answer to, shouldn't he just move past this? Being Kevin, he didn't wait and just asked me deliberately.
"How dare you talk about souls and second chances when you know you don't deserve it?" he shot me his glare. That glare; I know.
But I've grown too tired of apologizing and arguing because I know what I've done. I realize it now. I don't need him rubbing it to my face.
"How many times should I say sorry to you?" my voice came out soft looking at him dead in the eyes.
"Believe me, you can apologize over and over but I won't ever accept it." he smugly smiled and hit the cigarette between his fingers.
I inhaled as much air as I could, closed my eyes for a second and dared ask, "why?"
"Dahil hindi mo alam kung gaano mo ako nasaktan. You lost your right to ask for forgiveness from me the moment you chose to leave and discard me as if I wasn't even worth anything. That's what you did. You made me feel like a trash." He emphasized and threw the stick of cigarette on the ash tray before storming out.
