Into the mind of me...

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Do you have anything that follows you everywhere? Maybe it's something you did when you were 8 and still regret it. Maybe it's a fight you got into with your mom 2 years ago and it still bothers you. Maybe it's the psychopathic neighbors you have living next door. I do realize how much of a jump that is, but that's what follows me around. Everyone goes through a year of change, mine happens to be this year, my 16th year on this planet. It's changing, like life does. Everything is out of my control, like life mostly is for teens. My life, my families lives are being ruined by some not so great people. We are trying to move on, so I thought. We used to be really close surprisingly. I used to babysit their kids and grandchildren. We used to be on "walk through the door whenever you wanted" basis. But now, we play games with each other. Who can do the most petty thing possible. They had a speed bump put in right in front of our house. They run in front of our visitors cars to get them to turn around or slow down. My family shines their brights in their window when ever they drive by. I wonder who's going to win? Then there's my role in all of this, sit back and enjoy the show. I have zero role in this, other then being afraid to walk up my own driveway because they are always watching and recording. And I'm afraid to drive down my block because they have run my mom and I off the road once. And I have panic attacks whenever I'm home alone and the bell rings. Just thinking about the fact that they want us gone or dead. If they r willing to put in the time to put in a speed bump...what else are they willing to do. I've never been more afraid to live in my house then now. And the best part, I have zero say in anything. It's like I'm invisible throughout all of this. You're probably reading this, thinking it's a lie. This is all true. This is what I have to live with. Having this worry up my ass 24/7. It's all just what if's now. What if they try to hurt me? What if they try to run me off the road? What if...? Those are the questions that kill. Those two words are the killing words. They can break a person, a friendship, anything. But that is what rings in my head. Do they watch everything I do? The truth is probably not everything, but the moment I leave my house they do. I have to watch what I say when I'm outside, in my home. The place where I'm supposed to feel so safe, I'm not. The best part is the surprise police visits they have on us. They don't do anything to stop it. Here's the catch, they are best friends with the head of the police department. The people who are supposed to make us feel so safe don't. Knowing who's aside they are on. So here I am, all 5 feet of my body. Trying to enjoy my life, while the weight and fear of this will always stand on my shoulders, laughing while I'm breaking down.