AM13 Outbreak Shorts

One Year On - Thirty Three (Rhys)

Rhys

I have happiness now, for the first time in a very long time. Being a soldier suits me, hanging out with my new friends feels awesome, having a purpose is exactly what I have been craving...yet, it feels very tainted.

I can't seem to stop myself from feeling guilty for enjoying myself. Mostly because I sense so much pain emanating within the camp. From Alex, sure, not that I see him much anymore, but from everyone else as well. It's as if there is an underlying darkness in this place that either no one else can see, or everyone else is ignoring.

Perhaps now that I was out of the cloud of depression, I could sense it that much more painfully. Only I don't know what to do about it.

"Moral is low, don't you think?" I whisper to Hugh as we stand on duty together. "It feels like something is going to happen inside the camp, don't you think?"

He shrugs, seemingly not as bothered by this as I am. "Our duty is outside those walls, not inside."

"You're right," I admit. "But if things inside aren't great, then what are we fighting for?"

Hugh doesn't answer me, and I'm pretty sure that's because he doesn't know what to say. When I started on this route of my life, it felt like a really positive step for me, but now I'm not so sure. Everything feels so fragile, like anything could happen at any given moment to tear this all down. I have been in enough positions in the past to know that it happens when least expected, but this time it's like I can feel it coming.

But what can I do?

I need to do something, that's for sure, but what? I'm just one person. On my own, I don't think I can.

"Hugh, I think we need to act," I tell him seriously, sure that with someone else on my side, this would be easier. "We should try and bring up moral or something. There must be something we can do. I know we're soldiers, but we can have other obligations..."

"Rhys, I just told you, we need to focus on the danger coming from the outside." Hugh rolls his eyes at me, starting to look a little irritated to be honest. "We're in the middle of the apocalypse. What do you think is going to happen? That we will have a functioning society in here where people behave like they did before all of this happened? No way, don't be naïve. No one in here has any reason to get along, they only have things that they want to block out. Of course negativity, alcoholism, drug use, anger, hatred, low moral is going to happen. There isn't anything you can do about it."

But I don't know if I want to just agree with that. I don't think I want to give in so easily. There must be more to this life that this...mustn't there?

I can't accept there isn't.