AM13 Outbreak Shorts

Crackdown - Eleven

I knew that I'd heard the name Ryan before, I realized it straight away. What I didn't know was how I knew it, not until we got back to the prison. I mean, I'm not so dumb that I didn't get that he already knew Katie...but I never realized how close their relationship was.

He's been with her ever since we got back. He's been sitting with her, talking to her, comforting her, and that's the position I want to be in. I want to be the one with my arms around her, but I can't. Not when they have a history, not when he's trying to be nice, not when there's no logical reason why I should be protesting their moment alone together.

It's the loving looks that I can't stand. The little glances that Katie keeps giving him. They're burning inside of me, coiling through me like a jealous snake, creating a burning rage in my chest.

I squeeze the can of pop in my hand, crushing it slightly as I let some of my emotion out.

I lost Enrico for this mission, I sacrificed him to help Katie out, and now I might lose her. That's impossible for me to accept.

"She seems happier," Rachael comments smilingly next to me. "Katie has more color in her cheeks."

Normally, I would love to hear a comment like that, it would buck me up and keep me going, but this time it riles me up further. I don't want to hear another man making her smile.

"Yeah," I grumble back. "I suppose so."

Rachael sighs loudly, sensing the anger rolling off me in waves. "I'm sorry about your friend."

Burning hot tears ball behind my eyes, I can feel them at risk of falling. I cannot cry out here, I can't let anyone see me fall apart. I'm the one left in charge now, I'm the one who everyone looks up to, if I crumble, so will everyone else.

"I'm sorry too." I breathe out loudly, trying to relinquish all of this negativity. "But, what can you do? In this world everyone is at risk, no one is safe. And it doesn't look like it's going to get better."

I haven't felt this hopeless ever since the first victim of the AM13 virus emerged and everything changed, but with Enrico gone and Katie seemingly slipping through my fingers, I don't know what I'm fighting for. I've gone back to that place of intense wondering. What are we all doing? If this is the way of the world now, then what's the point of carrying on?

If I knew for sure that there's someone out there fighting to get rid of this virus, then I'd be okay, but I don't, and I'm not sure there is.

I think of Enrico, putting myself in his shoes, trying to imagine the horror as a horde of zombies peels off my skin, eats me, and tears me to shreds. It makes me feel sparks of pain all over my body.

"It will get better," Rachael replies with a bright optimism that feels misplaced. "Soon enough."

But as I look at Ryan and I watch the way that his arm drapes so casually over Katie's shoulder as if it belongs there, as if there's a past history between these two, I feel everything good that's happened to me fade.

This world sucks, there's no doubt about it, and I don't know how long I can keep fighting it.

"I don't see much point in me sticking around here tonight." My tone is false, Rachael must be able to sense that. "Katie seems just fine, so I'm going to get some sleep. I guess I'll see you in the morning."

I can feel eyes pricking into my neck as I walk away, causing all the hairs there to stand on edge, but I continue moving anyway. I need space to breathe, a place to think, I have to escape that awful situation before it pushes me over the edge.

If it does that, there's notelling what I'll do!