my last pages 》 nomin

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Jaemin knew betrayal well. He knew the feeling of having something precious snatched from his eager hands, but the emotions pooling in his fluttering stomach were unfamiliar to him.

The room his mother dragged him too was a sickly white color, painted with moldy grays that made him gag. White was horrid in itself, too pure and innocent to exist in the realistically harsh world, but combined with the sterile smell of bleach and the uncomfortable twin bed, it became unbearable. His annoyingly friendly doctor had peeked through the rectangular window to monitor his behavior at least three times, and it was becoming irritating. Jaemin longed for his creaky stairs and cozy bed covers, but these longings were easily overpowered by his desire to see Jeno, who plagued his mind constantly.

The time already spent in the psych ward was surprisingly enjoyable. The movies they were allowed to watch were cheesy but appreciated, his schooling had become significantly less important than his unstable mental health, and there was no Renjun to criticize him. His mother visited daily with fast food in hand and apologies on her tongue. Jaemin learned how to drown out her voice in salty fries and a lot of ketchup.

"Jaemin?" His nurse knocked softly on the heavy door. "Its med time."

He didn't need her to tell him so; his body adjusted to the lack of clock and learned to signal times through landmarks and distinctive feelings. He gave her the okay to enter, despite knowing she'd do so with or without his dismissable permission. She handed him the plastic cup and he threw his head back, feeling the pills glide under his tongue effortlessly. The nurse waited a few minutes just to be certain that Jaemin would not throw them up before leaving with a fabricated work smile. When Jaemin was positive the lady had left the hallway, he spat the pills out from under his shaking tongue. They clattered to the ground in an almost pitiful manner, and Jaemin found pleasure in the white powder created from their destruction. He pushed the powder swiftly into the corner of his room, knowing that in the worst situation he could pretend it was cheeky dust.

Jaemin flopped back onto his bed, the fabric scratching at the skin on his scarred body that wasn't covered by ugly hospital clothes. He looked like the embodiment of Goodwill with jeans that hung from his waist and curled around his ankles. The shirt was better, only tight around the arms, but matched god awfully with the worn denim.

"I hate this place," he mumbled, scrubbing his hands over his face. Talking to himself had become a common occurrence, and he never expected a response. If anything, a reply would be more disturbing than silence.

"I know you do."

Jaemin sat up just in time to see the door shutting behind Jeno's familiar figure. The boy looked beautiful, as always, but the darkness lurking under his eyes told Jaemin the truth about his smile.

"Hi, Nana," Jeno whispered, sitting next to the teenager who had yet to comment on his appearance. Words were not sufficient enough apparently, because Jaemin threw himself onto Jeno, smashing their mouths together in a kiss that was more teeth than lips. Jaemin missed the taste of Jeno's raspberry chapstick; he craved it like a drug.

"Why didn't you come?" Jaemin demanded when his cravings subsided and he finally inhaled something other than Jeno's tangy breath.

"Your mom wouldn't let me," Jeno answered truthfully. Jaemin found his answer to be valid and instead of grilling the teenager for information, buried his skinny body under Jeno's touch. Words were hardly exchanged, and when they were, they contained no meaning. Jaemin relished in the feeling of familiarity in a foreign place, clutching onto every part of Jeno as if the boy would melt into the floorboards.

From the way Jaemin's eyelids fought desperately to stay open, he could tell visiting hours would soon be coming to an abrupt end.

"I love you, Jeno." Jaemin hooked his arms around his lover's neck and kissed his lips once more to accentuate his point. "I'll miss you."

Jeno chuckled, the sound reverberating through Jaemin's bones and crashing into his weak heart. "Don't worry, Nana, I never really leave."

The door slammed shut, trapping Jaemin from the world outside his white room. For once, however, Jaemin found comfort in the hideous shade that reminded him of the brightness of Jeno's gorgeous smile.