Love, Alaïa

Chapter 22 - Don't Be Sad

To the ones I love :

Please don't be shocked or scared, this isn't a suicide note. Or I'm not being coward. I just  really can't say this to anyone of you face to face because I know at least one of you will stop me and I haven't prepared for that. Please don't think that I ran away or try to look for me because I think this is the best decision for everyone, mainly me. If you are mentioned in this really long letter that I'm about to write, just know that you are extremely special to me. So your reading this, which means I'm already gone. Please I beg of you, please don't look for me or try to stop me. I have everything planned out. I have been planning this for a month now. Please don't hate me and I might never be able to forgive myself for leaving in such a harsh manner, without even saying goodbye but like I said earlier it would have led to unnecessary drama. Okay okay, enough of this...

-My parents
I will never be able to say how grateful I am for all that you've done for me. For raising me the right way and for every little thing that you've done for me in the past 18 years of my life. Thank you is an understatement. Thank you for educating me and showing me the amount of unconditional life that you do and I will miss you dearly. Mom, when you cook your homecooked meals, please think of me and dad when  you're washing our jeep please save me a soak. I don't want to make you cry or feel sad but just know I love both of you with all my heart and once again. Thank you.

- Alex and Devyn, and My Little Baby
Wow Dev, can you actually believe you're married? Crazy huh? I bet you still remember how we used to compete who would pick the most seashells and give it to grandpa first? Btw, I know you cheated most of the time. I just want to wish you and Alex all the happiness in the world and I hope you never forget that I will always be there for you and you can fall back with the assurance that I would catch you. And now that you're going to be a mom. Wow, I can't believe it. Sooner or later I will hold my baby nephew or niece(Maybe both if we're lucky) in my hand and I can't wait to see your forehead and Alex's nose. I hope she has a big heart just like yours. Yes, I said she. I love you forever Dev, never forget that.

-Ryan
You know how you keep asking me what it feels like being the eldest? Now you'll get your answer. With Devyn gone and now me,  you are the only one Jordyn will have to look up to. Make sure, you eat your vegetables and stay away from girls that will hurt you. Physically and emotionally. Take care of mom and dad okay?
I love you Ry.

-Little Jordyn
I know you probably don't understand anything right now but when you grow you will read this. I may not be there to witness you stand on your own or speak your first sentence but I have survived many diaper changes and you've scolded me alot . I will miss kissing your little toes. I love you.

-Elijah
Hey dummy. Thank you so much for teaching me math. You minus  that temper will equal a happy me. Get it? Please don't be angry. Even though you look quite cute when you crinkle your forhead. Please remain happy okay? Im sorry for hurting you the way I did but it wasn't my intention and I truly am sorry. I hope you find someone who will take care of you, you deserve it. You're amazing and don't settle for less. I'm going to miss you so so much.

-Keyya
Look Key, aren't you proud of me? You told me to stop caring what other people think and do what's best for me and look for once I wasn't being stubborn. I took your advice. Thank you for always listening to me and keeping my secrets. I've always admired the way you do what makes you happy and don't care what other people think. I've always tried to be like that but unfortunately I just can't , but you do it and you make it look so damn good. Keep doing you and hopefully the perfect girl is out there for you. I'll will miss you loads.

-Ellie

You know Ellie, out of all these amazing people in my lives. I'm grateful for you the most. At first, I innocently helped you not knowing that you will stab me in pretence of a hug. Yet I forgave you. I forgive you for every bit of pain you caused me or and my friends. If it wasn't for you, I would still be within the walls of my room letting people walk all over me. I'm so happy that you made me feel a days hurt so I can experience a years happiness. You made me stronger and for that, I'm very thankful.

-Andrew
Andrew. Wow. I honestly can't thank you enough. You came in such little time with such big impact. You were there for me when no one else was. You really didn't have to, because we were complete strangers but still you choose to even though I pushed you away. It was that day at the bowling alley when I knew I'd always have someone to count on. I love the way your hair rests on your eyes and the way it twinkles in the sunlight. I'm sorry that we met so late. I wish we did earlier. However best of luck in your soccer school. I know you'll make us proud. Much love for you Andrew x

-Gio
Last but not least, you will never know how much you meant to me. Sometimes when you were busy drawing or eating, I would just look at you and think to myself 'I never want to lose him' and then you just slipped away like sand. I hated every second of being without you but then some way or another I knew I had to move on. That day when you said we couldn't be friends. I could have just died. That's how I felt at that exact moment. It's like being a millionaire for one second and then losing every single cent at the next. I felt broke. I know that you didn't do it because you wanted to but what you made me feel by choosing Ellie over me, destroyed me. Remember when I said I had a confession to make? I was going to tell you. It was three words. But then you lied to me. You didn't even tell me that you and Ellie were dating and it all made sense to me after I had that nightmare. I'm sure you remember it. The one where someone pushed me down that cliff? That someone, was your precious Ellie. It all worked itself out. I don't hate you Gio infact I'll always love you but I find it very difficult to trust. Once this paper is smashed and it can never be made straight again.
But you're not the only one who lied. I know it was wrong for me to do this since we had a deal but since you broke your promise, it wasn't worth keeping mine. I know we promised to attend Stanford but I applied to Harvard and guess what, I got accepted! So that's my plan. I'm going to study there and I also got a part time job to pay for my fees. I had already met with my roommate and she seems like an amazing person. Slowly I will save for a car and then my own apartment. If life permits me, ill come back. If not then it is what it is. Im really hurt and upset that I have to leave without saying goodbye but my mind is made up. Maybe it's the best decision for all of us. I wish you all the best in everything that you do and I hope you get a new best friend as cool as me.
Once again I love every single one of you and I will miss you dearly.

-Love, Alaïa x