Forgiving Friar Park

8. Woman Don't You Cry For Me

I timidly knock on the front door, after having a few minutes to gather up the courage to do so.

I wait for what seems like hours, to no answer. I knock again, louder this time. I hear no noise inside. This makes me panic, Barbara's words ringing loudly in my ears.

I dig into my handbag, hoping I've got my key. I don't remember picking it up, but I always have it. My breathing quickens, and I feel the beginning of a panic attack coming along. That is until a small piece of metal scrapes my knuckles gently. I grab it swiftly, forcing it into the lock.

Once I'm inside, I race around trying to find George, hoping he hasn't done anything drastic. After everything, he's my husband, the father of my child, I love him deep inside.

He's nowhere to be seen downstairs, so I sprint upstairs, screaming his name.

I run into our room, where the bed is still unmade, as it was when I left Pattie and George. He hasn't been back.

I go into the studio, the meditation room, everywhere. I can't find him. I am really panicking now.

Suddenly, I hear the clatter of glass bottles from one of the guest bedrooms, two doors down from where we normally sleep. I rush to the source of the noise, and abruptly stop when I see him sitting there.

'Oh my god...'

I look around at the scene. Pill bottles, wine bottles, whiskey bottles, everything, carpeting the floor where my husband is slumped on the floor.

I tentatively step in, shock still making my body weak. Whether he's noticed me or not, George hasn't said anything. I don't think he can, he's too intoxicated with whatever pills and alcohol he's had.

'Geo...what have you done?' I'm nearly speechless at how bad my husband is, too intoxicated to speak, move or even acknowledge my presence.

I go and kneel by him, looking over him carefully. I remove the whiskey bottle from his grasp, and clear some room around him so I can sit with him.

When I accidentally knock him, he groans, making my heart sink. His head is still slumped into his lap, so gently, I pull it up, making it loll onto my shoulder, he makes another groaning noise. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I let him rest on my shoulder. I brush his now matted hair through my shaking fingers.

I don't know what to do. He's had an affair, and has been having one for a while, but I love him, and we have a daughter. Thinking about Louisa makes my eyes tear up, and soon I'm crying, while my near-death husband lies on my shoulder.

'Geo, I need to get Louisa sorted. She misses you, but can't see you like this. I'm going to ring Paul.'

He whimpers as if in pain at the mention of his daughter, but I don't want the image of her intoxicated father to remain with her.

'Let's get you on the bed first.'

I grab his hands, and then his arms, trying to raise him. He can't move. I sling his arm around my shoulder and push him up. He groans loudly once again.

I lie him face down, so he won't choke if he's sick. After rubbing his back for a minute, I stand to leave. When I reach the door, I hear George stir behind me.

'(Y/N)...' He attempts to open his eyes and reach for me, before collapsing back down.

......................................................................................................................................................................................

'Paul, can you come and get Louisa?'

'Err, sure. Why?'

'Errmm, you see, George and I would like the evening alone.' I lie.

'You dirty buggers. I'll be there in twenty.'

I pretend to giggle down the phone before hanging up, and collapsing onto the floor with emotion.

.....................................................................................................................................................

After handing Louisa over and only making a little small talk with my brother, I creep back upstairs to George.

He's still in the same position as I left him in. I sit in the bed next to him. I close my eyes and exhale loudly. What a mess. I gaze down at George, who's not quite sleeping soundly. I don't know what to do. He's been unfaithful, but I love him. I want to protect Louisa, but is there anything to protect her from in her father? I need him to help me protect her from the outside world. It's going to be a tough life for her, always being compared to her father.

Without realising it, I've started crying. I bury my face into my hands to muffle the sniffles being emitted from my mouth. When I fail to do so, I hear my husband stir next to me.

'No...don't you cry for me. Not for anyone...' he slumps back down into a slumber and I wipe my face, trying to stay strong.

I stand from the bed, and head to the bathroom. Knowing George won't be sober for another few hours, I trudge into the shower. I wash the events of the last few days off me, wash the fading bruises on my face and wash the memory of Pattie with George away.

When I emerge from the en-suite, clad in my dressing gown, I see George sitting up, but head slumped. He's still inebriated. Ushering myself over to him, I tell him to get back to bed to sleep off the drugs and the alcohol.

The array of bottles and pills on the floor demands my attention. I don't want George being tempted by them when he wakes up. I go and grab a plastic bag to clear them into, trying not to wake my husband.

The bag is almost full when I'm done and so I take it downstairs.

The living room is almost as I left it, except the blankets we keep on the back of the sofa are crumpled in a pile in the corner. Surrounding them are more bottles. I clear them away and put the blankets in the washing machine. Although I still don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, I want the house to look tidy.

Everywhere else looks normal, suggesting he's stayed in the same two rooms.

I quickly check on George, and he's still out, so I go outside to clear my head. Walking slowly, flashbacks of the memories we've made here over the last ten years come flooding back. When we first moved in, our surprise vow renewal, walking, talking and laughing for hours on end and of course when we introduced Louisa for the first time, only a few months ago.

And now it's all gone.

Looking back at the house, I see loss. Betrayal. Anger. Everything I shouldn't see.

Closing my eyes, I long for everything to end.