voicemail

crackerbox palace

9th december

"hey ruby.

it's been a while since i've last called and i missed you, so i thought i'd come say hi.

christmas is approaching.

honestly, it's weird walking down the high street and seeing all the christmas displays on my own. up until now you'd have been with me to laugh at how goofy they all look.

now i walk down the high street on my own and try my best not to look at the displays, because they make me think of you.

isn't it weird how things change?

i've been thinking back to our christmases together as a kid. i honestly miss them. every year we'd wake up at 5am together, wake everyone else and tear down the stairs to open our presents.

...

...the only thing i want under the christmas tree this year is the news that you're somehow alive- alive and okay.

i was just listening to the beatles last night, and crying for hours. i want to be a kid again. i want to sit in the living room by the fire with you and dad and jude the dog and listen to the beatles and the traveling wilburys and elo for hours, the way we used to. i want to fall asleep leaning on you and then you fall asleep too, and dad let crackerbox palace finish playing and then carry us up the stairs and tuck us into bed and kiss our foreheads and whisper goodnight and close the creaky door as quietly as he could.

the way we used to.

i know nothing lasts forever, but why?

i just want to feel safe again.

with you."