voicemail

new year

31st december

"hey rubes, it's me again.

it's new year's eve. i'm staying at our parents house; the whole family's round. it's nearly midnight. i can hear them downstairs.
none of them are sober and all of them are having a good time.

i'm sat at the top of the stairs, on my own. i'm just thinking about everything that's happened this past year.

i started it with you and i'm ending it without you...

weird, huh?

i thought i saw you the other day, when i was walking down the street. i saw someone who looked just like you, hand in hand with someone else.
and then i blinked, and she wasn't you anymore, she was just someone else on a day out with someone she loved.

it's- surreal... knowing i'll never see you again.

as- as dumb as it sounds...
sometimes i come down out my room in the morning expecting to see you in the kitchen. and then i don't, and there's this horrible feeling in my stomach that jolts me back into reality.

i want to escape it, but i can't, because life without you is reality now.

one of my new year's resolutions is to try and get over you this year. imean, it's my only resolution, but-
i want to try and genuinely be able to think of you without wanting to cry or throw up or break something. it's a new year, a new decade, and i want to put all our memories, both good and bad, behind me. i want to be able to do things without being reminded constantly of you. i want to be able to think of you from time to time with a smile without wanting to burn the whole fucking world down.

you think i'll be able to do it this year?

i just want to feel happy again, ruby.

but it seems like all the happiness in the world vanished rightabout when you did.

...

maybe i should go downstairs.

count down to midnight with everyone.

count down to a new year with them.

...start taking control of my life now, instead of putting it off.

...

...alright, that's what i'll go do. catch you later, ruby- and happy new year."