A week later James signed the papers so I could leave the hospital. I was exited to go back to the orphenage and also I was afraid to go back. What would the other kids say? Will they continue pushing me around? Will it get worse because they know about my attempt? My hand starts trembling. I think that James noticed, he comes over me and sit down next to me on the bed.
"it's gonna be Allright! I promise!"
"you're sure?" I ask.
"yes! I'll protect you!"
"but you can't be around 24/7!?"
"yes I know, but I'll be there as much as possible"
"okay." I say.
I don't wanna talk right now. And I know that he will be around very often.
But only a few weeks.
Then he'll think i'm okay and leave me on my own again.
Like my dad did after mom died.
I can't remember one moment he wasn't drinking.
I take my phone out of my pocket and go on insta.
(S. = Sara, E. = Emma)
S. Hi
E. Where were you?
S. I... Uhm... I was in hospital.
E. WTF WHY?????
S. I- I broke my leg.
E. DON'T YOU DARE LYING TO ME!
S. OKAY I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
S. Emma?
S. Sorry I didn't meant to yell. I- m just afraid to go back! I just got out of hospital.
S. Please answer me.
S. I'm sorry Emma!
E. It's okay.
S. Are u mad with me?
E. Yes!
A tear rolls down my face. I don't want her to be mad at me.
E. But I'll forgive you!
E. If you promise that you'll never try again! Never EVER make me worry about you again like this!
S. Okay!
S. But you'll never try too okay?
E. Okay! Deal!
I smile to my phone hoping that she knows that I am!
E. Okay I gotta go now. Good luck bb!
S. Thanks! Love ya bb🖤
E. Love ya too!
E. 🖤🖤
I promised her I'll never try to kill myself.
But I'm sure I will break this promise.
But I'll try.
I'll try not to kill myself again.
I'll do it for Emma.
I'll try for her!
