Twice Again

Definitely Not Useless

"So basically, we took some open source code that should be pretty similar to your eyegaze. It's far from perfect, and it'll take some calibration, but I think it'd be cool for you to try out driving the robot."

The boy smiled, excitement spilling through his nervousness.

"I haven't tried it yet, either - I wanted you to be the first to try it."

A patient pause, waiting to see if I would respond.

Never in my life had I ever been so thankful for ignoring what Mom had said. For ignoring my own fears.

For realizing that I was definitely not useless.

"Let's try it out."

How I wished the robotic voice could express how excited I really was!

The boy gently attached my tray to my chair, and then placed a small laptop - closed - on it.

"Ready?"

He opened the top with a flourish. Revealing a lock screen.

His face flushed as he apologized and entered the password.

The screen looked very complex. Maybe I couldn't do this, after all.

"I know it's not the greatest UX, but let me walk you through this. The arrow keys are in the corner. The two potato camera views are at the top. Ignore everything else. I've turned down the sensitivity, not because I don't trust you, but because I don't really know how well the controls are callibrated."

Just a couple weeks ago, I would have thought he was lying. But I knew he was being genuine, because that was simply how kind everyone in the robotics team had been, right from the start.

"I've also disabled the 'enable/disable' button for the same reason. I'll always have my hand on the space bar, and someone else will always be holding the tether. So if anyone gets hurt, it's our fault, not yours."

Pause. I didn't have anything to say.

"Alright, let's do this!"

Spacebar. The light on the bot began to blink.

I stared at 'up' key.

The bot inched forward.

Cheers rang around the room.

Definitely not useless.

I glimpsed at the 'right' key.

The bot swung in a clockwise donut. The light stopped blinking.

More cheers, mixed with giggles.

"Sorry about that. I guess I messed up a calculation there. The cable came out because it swung around too hard."

The boy looked genuinely sad.

"Thank you, so much."

Once again, I wished my robotic voice could sound more genuine.

I was about to cry from joy.

I thought I'd never be able to drive. But I'd just driven, albeit in a different way.

Definitely not useless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The controls felt heavy in my hands.

I shifted my thumbs, and the bot flew into a pile of desks.

"DISABLE! DISABLE!"

"It's too late, anyway. Evera, why can't you be more careful, just for once?"

"It's not her fault! You should've disconnected!"

"And you could've hit disable!"

"You should've checked your calculations!"

"Your fingers were literally next to the space bar!"

"SHUT UP! Evera, gimme that!"

The boy knocked the controller out of my hand.

It hit the ground.

The robot jerked to life.

It careened toward me. I froze.

It hit me.

An industrial-sized robot made of metal, hitting me at full speed?

Now that hurt.

And so did breathing attacks.

Which is why I was now awake.

What an odd dream to have had. 

Perhaps, when we stop hiding, when we are ourselves, when we are different...

We inspire empathy, compassion, understanding.

And maybe, that's the most impactful thing any of us can do.