Blood, Death, and Tears

Alone

I thought that being on the other side was painful and lonely but I was wrong. It was nothing compared to being here without him and losing my best friend. I was staring into space wondering what exactly I would do now. I didn't want to stay in this town but with everyone's losses I can't just leave. So here I was cleaning tables at the grill and bringing orders to Caroline who decided she'd work with me for a little bit. The work was beneath her and we both knew it but she wanted to be around me. With Bonnie gone she's latched onto me way more than before. And we with me being human I feel like she thinks I'm gonna break or disappear. I entertain her though, she's just like my brother who's the same way with me and Alaric. We've all lost so much all we really have now is each other. My shift went by like any normal one. Nothing wild happened with all the travelers gone and Matt's new rule about no vampires in Mystic Falls it's quieter. A little dull if I compared it to the way my life used to be. The thought took me back because it was scary to think that my life was nothing without the supernatural.

When I went home I went to my room. I spent a lot of time here not really wanting to leave. Every time I left I just wanted to go back. There was a deadly comfort to being in bed. A almost security in being in my covers hiding from the world. There wasn't much I left it for other than work and to eat. Jeremy tried to get me to go out but I didn't want out. I just wanted him. Wanted my best friend. Wanted to leave all my pain behind again. Wanted to run away. And sometimes when I threw myself too far I wanted to die "We're going out" I shook my head from my thoughts hearing the knock on the door. As soon as I got out the car I knew something was up. We came to this lake house outside the border of Mystic Falls. Only one reason we would be here. The smell of good food filled my nose as I came through the threshold. No one in this family knew how to cook but I could smell chicken parmesan from here. The smell brought me back to the memory of Stefan and his attempt at opening up to me in the beginning. I knew then who was here and I knew then why.

They brought him to talk to me. I sighed and contemplated going back to my house and my room. But the expectant eyes of my brother behind me told me that wasn't an option. Besides Stefan would find a way to get me to talk regardless. Really no way to keep him out of it. I walked into the kitchen sitting at the dining table and watching him cook. Alaric and Jeremy were talking about mundane school stuff but my eyes were on Stefan. Watching him was strangely comforting. The memories I got from him being in the kitchen brought back this calm over me. Back then my biggest worry was what my boyfriend is hiding something from me. It made me smile a little just thinking of what I didn't know. Of how innocent I was "Are you ok" he mouthed my way when he caught me staring. I nodded and he gave me a look "I know you" he mouthed and I rolled my eyes earning a stern look "I'll be ok" I mouthed getting up and heading towards the steps "Call me when dinner is actually ready. Or better yet Alaric can you bring me my plate" before he could say no and stop me I cut him off and smiled "Thank you" I said walking out the room and into the living room across the hall.

Not too long after Stefan came in the room holding two plates was standing there with a wry smile. I held out my hands for my food choosing to ignore his first words about me being greedy.  It was quiet for a moment then he spoke "What's going on in there Elena? I know you're probably mad at yourself for the way you left things off with Damon but it's ok Elena. We gotta move on... All of us" I started to pick at my food, his words made me lose my appetite. It wasn't Damon I was mourning. Was I sad he was gone? Of course I loved him, or at least I thought I did. Yet he wasn't who my mind left to when I was alone. He wasn't who I missed every day. I was all consumed by him and he left me. I couldn't blame him I stood him up... "Elena" Stefan said snapping in my face "You hear anything I said" it was probably something along the lines of "I know I need to accept what happened but there's just certain things you don't understand" judging by his reaction I guessed right and he sighed.

"Help me understand" I bit my lip and looked away from him "You'll judge me" I whispered to myself but I knew he heard me. He grabbed my chin making me look up at him and smiled a little "It's me Elena. When have I ever judged you?" I knew he was right, but I was scared, I knew what and who Klaus was but I fell for him. And I fell hard. How can I tell him I love a man he hates? He waited patiently for me to speak his thumb rubbing circles on my hand "I fell for someone and I can't be with them" he frowned "Why not?" I pursed my lips "I can't be here for you and there with him. I had to choose and I chose you guys" he frowned and raised an eyebrow at me "You're staying here all pouty because you wanted to share in the grief of your friends" I nodded hearing it from him that way made it sound sillier than it was "Elena look. You've lost a list of people so long it would've taken the entire Gemini coven to bring them all back. You don't owe us your pain Elena. You've been through enough who are we as friends to take any more from you" I nodded sadly I knew he was right but I still hesitated. To be this selfish felt wrong, I lose my best friend and I push past it to go and be with someone she hated.

"Who is this guy" he asked that crease slowing up in his brow. I looked down and didn't speak for some minutes gathering the courage "Just say it you know how I hate to be left in suspense" Alaric said leaning again the doorway "It's... No one you'd know" I caved I couldn't do it, I didn't wanna tell them. They'd hate me and throw me back to him. He ruined Stefan's life and Klaus literally invaded Alaric's. They both gave me a expectant look and I knew no matter what I said they were gonna want a answer regardless. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair "It's Klaus isn't it" Alaric said making me freeze in place. Stefan frowned looking at Ric like he had 5 heads "Of course not. Your jokes don't get any funnier huh" he said laughing a little. He was the only one laughing, once he saw no one was joking he looked at me. My eyes were on Ric I wanted to know how he knew "Come on Elena. The way you looked at him when you saw him and the way you looked when you came back I could tell something was up" he said uncrossing his arms and putting his hands in his pockets.

"Ahh come on Elena. Klaus is a monster he's insane incapable of love" I shook my head "You're wrong. I've seen it he cares he does you refuse to see it cause well you hate him but he does. Klaus can be more if you allow him to. Everyone's so bent on their hatred they can't even see past it" he rolled his eyes "Elena... Listen I love and have always loved your ability to see the good in people and situations but look Klaus is not one of those people. Your love for him probably isn't even real. He probably compelled you to" the idea of it just rubbed me wrong stirred an anger in me I hadn't felt since Klaus murdered Jenna. I stood up and smacked Stefan before I could stop myself "He didn't and he wouldn't and it's sad that you would even think something like that. Klaus is a lot of things but there's lines he wouldn't cross. When have you ever heard of him forcing himself on someone? You spent the summer with him why pretend like you don't already know that? Why pretend like you haven't torn apart any families yourself? Hell you tried to kill me several times, off my own parents bridge and I forgave you! But you sit here and judge me for forgiving or feeling anything towards Klaus" he never met my eyes just looked at the covers and floor.

"You're right Stefan no reason for me to be unhappy here. I'm leaving and this time no hesitation" I walked out Ric giving me a understanding look. I knew he didn't want me to go but he knew I needed to. I was right to leave the first time and I'm right now. Mystic Falls isn't my home and it will probably never be home again. I've accepted that, I went back to my house packed all my stuff and got in the car. I knew where I was going I didn't check Google Maps or the lanes I was in. I knew where I was going it was almost like my spirit was guiding me there. I was going home. I would see him again. Hopefully he still loved me. If he didn't I'd be in pieces but it would be all I deserved for leaving him. My grip tightened on the wheel and I drove anxiously back to New Orleans.